


castle on the hill

by odetodun



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, James is oblivious, Lily knows all, M/M, Some angst, a blowjob at one point, dorcas is also very gay, remus pines, sirius is an idiot sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 15:29:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10440936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetodun/pseuds/odetodun
Summary: the marauders may be wizards but they still go through the same trials as any normal group of teenage boys.





	1. The Story

**Author's Note:**

> "The ones who love us never really leave us" - Sirius Black.

Fifth year was when Remus noticed the changes happening all around him, he was growing taller and lankier. Sirius was starting to reach his height but his was matched with slight muscle and his hair was now long enough to put into a ponytail, he also had two secret tattoos he had given himself with a spell he had found but only a select few knew about those. James’ hair grew wilder and his thin circle glasses needed replacing every year. Peter looked almost the same as five years ago, small with blonde curls except he was a little fuller around the waist.

       Everyone in the year seemed to be changing, started to act more grown up despite being the young age of fifteen. Remus wasn’t welcoming the change, most people were now prone to drama and even a school of witchcraft and wizardry couldn’t dull the trivial matters teenagers went through. There was a new rumour of who was snogging who and who was sneaking away to meet each other in deserted classrooms every other day, none of it phased Remus. His studies had proved that he was good at most subjects so they took priority over petty dramas.  Except until October, when Sirius burst into their dorm room around seven pm on a Sunday.

 

“Guess who has just been snogging Marlene McKinnon in a broom closet for the past half an hour?” Sirius said, throwing himself on Remus’ bed because it was closest to the door. Remus grumbled as Sirius landed on his books and a bit of spare parchment.

 

“She’s right good I think, well I’ve only ever had brief little kisses y’know?” Sirius said, glancing up at Remus who certainly didn’t know but nodded anyway.

 

“Well good on you Pads” James said monotonously, he was still pining after Lily Evans; Lily was paying James no attention whatsoever. A pillow was launched in James’ direction but he caught it with one hand and threw it back.

 

“Cheer up Prongs, you’re boring me” Sirius said.

 

“Oh fuck! Oh bloody fuck you idiot!” Remus said, as his train of thought started to drift and a large ink dot had formed on his parchment.

 

“Moony your potty mouth disgusts me” Sirius joked and then pointed at Remus’ parchment with his wand; the ink dot disappeared and left his work how it had been prior. Remus smiled fondly at him, hoping the topic of conversation changed. Not a chance, in fact it got worse from there.

 

“What about you Remus? Any ladies?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows stupidly; Remus didn’t have the time nor the patience for this.

 

“Yeah Moony, we never hear of you and the ladies” James butted in, his Quidditch book discarded next to him. Remus felt himself growing more and more uncomfortable.

 

“There’s no one for me, I’d rather just read” Remus said and Sirius snorted.

 

“We’ll find you a girl” Peter said and judging by the looks on James and Sirius’ face, he had given them a Marauder’s Mission. They finally retired for the night around ten, but Remus couldn’t sleep. Could he ever tell his best friends the real reason he didn’t seem to fancy any girls? Hell, he couldn’t even admit that to himself so it was a slim chance.

       Turns out the boys plan started to go into action, when Sirius randomly decided a seat change and Mary MacDonald now accompanied Remus in Charms – much to Remus’ annoyance. Mary tried to spark a conversation but Remus was now angry at his friends that she didn’t have much luck. He knew the three of them realised this when he stormed out of Charms alone and only grabbed a sandwich for lunch before heading to the library, alone. Mary was a lovely girl; she knew Lily and Remus assumed they were friends. But Remus really didn’t need her to be coerced into sitting by him by his idiot friends who couldn’t mind their own damn business.

 

“Moony?” Sirius said from the other side of the bookshelf.

 

“Pads, I’m not in the mood right now. I have a shit ton of work” Remus sighed.

 

“I told you to stop swearing, that’s why you don’t have any ladies” Sirius said. Remus rolled his eyes and then frowned, Sirius thought he was undesirable. That stung more than it should have.

 

“If all you’re going to do is talk to me about the bloody opposite gender then go, I’d rather study” Remus said, harsher than intended but it gave the desired effect as Sirius stalked off in a huff. Why was he acting like this? His friends were just doing what most friends do. Remus sighed, resting his head on the table for a second before picking up his quill and scribbling down notes on the truth potion, Veritaserum, for Slughorn.

 

Remus didn’t see the others until later, where he heard voices from the dorm room so he lingered for a minute.

 

“Maybe he’s all uncomfortable with ‘em, we’ve never seen him close to a girl except-“ Peter said and then a loud cough came from James, which sounded like he was choking.

 

“LILY! That’s it, Moony likes Lily and that’s why he won’t tell us and that’s why he was uncomfortable with Mary” James said, his voice sounded like his mouth was full.

 

“Nah, Remus wouldn’t go for Evans” Sirius said and then Remus opened the door, acting like he hadn’t heard a thing.

 

“Sorry about Charms, had my head in a different place” Remus said as they all stared at him, as if waiting for him to announce he had heard every word. Remus put away his things then busied himself getting ready for bed as Sirius started up a conversation about Quidditch after an awkward cough. Peter’s eyes were furiously flickering between Remus and the other two but Remus paid no attention. His best friends actually thought he had a crush on the girl that James had been pining over for over three years, truthfully it was laughable. Lily was the only one other than the Marauders who knew about his Iycanthropy and she happened to make a brilliant revision partner. Remus wasn’t seeing the good side to this until now, he could really have some fun with this he thought to himself.

 

“Don’t you think Lily’s looking older?” Remus half heartedly pointed out, the three of their heads all snapping towards him in unison.

 

“I mean I know everyone is but she looks like she’s particularly maturing, it’s just things you notice when you see a lot of someone” Remus carried on, sorting his books as the others sat in silence. Remus almost burst out laughing right there.

 

“I guess but- but why would you point it out?” Sirius asked, his eyes sceptical and surveying. Remus had to be careful, Sirius had started to be able to read him like a book. Remus forced a look of embarrassment and stuttered something, earning a very suspicious look from James. Remus had to tell Lily this – she’d enjoy as much as he was.

 

“I’m going for a minute, I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t wait up” Remus told them, he spotted the map that lay open on James’ bedside table. 

          He and Lily had prefect duty, not that any of them would remember so that made this most entertaining. They met in the common room and started down the hall together. Remus knew they’d all be seeing him on the map with Lily and surely enough as they approached a deserted corridor Remus heard whispering.

 

“Can you he-“ Lily went to say but Remus put a finger to his lips which showed an amused grin. He gestured Lily into a deserted classroom and made sure to leave enough time for whoever had come under the cloak to get in.

 

“Oh Lily I do love spending this time with you” Remus said, Lily frowned for a second before deciding to go with whatever stupid thing Remus was doing.

 

“Its mutual Remy” she said, Remus almost laughing at her nickname because they both knew he hated it.

 

“I was just going to say that, our meetings are special to me and I really like you” Remus was acting in a mock shyness and Lily had to stop herself giggling. Remus could tell she knew full well they were being followed and also knew they were in the room with them.

 

“Oh Remy” she flung herself arms around his neck and placed a big kiss on his cheek. Their duty was over in ten minutes so they decided to head back to the common room, hand in hand for more effect. Remus knew that whoever had come under the cloak would now be legging it to beat Remus back to the common room and Remus wanted to allow them time.

 

“What was that about then?” Lily laughed out.

 

“Well, you know they were in the room with us?,” Remus asked and Lily nodded “, well it’s because I heard them talking earlier and apparently the only logical reason that I didn’t show any appreciation for the girls in our year is because I fancy you. So I decided to have some fun”.

 

“You’re a genius, are you going to tell them?” Lily asked.

 

“Eventually” Remus chuckled as they arrived at the Fat Lady, ‘forget-me-not’ they said in unison and the portrait swung open. Remus bid her goodnight before returning to his own dorm and slipping into pyjamas before getting into bed, he could hear the fast breathing of two people – he guessed Sirius and James – and had to resist the urge to laugh out loud. He went to bed fairly happily, feeling mischievous.

        Breakfast was a whole different story, James and Sirius - accompanied by Peter because wherever James went he was - decided to sit on one end of the Gryffindor table and sent scowls towards Remus, who had no other option than to sit with Lily.  

 

“Are you going to tell them?” Lily asked, passing Remus some toast. Remus grinned and then nodded, turning towards where the others were sat.

 

“If my best friends would stop being tits and realise that I heard every word said in the dorm room and maybe they’d get that I played them at their own game with the help of my acting connoisseur Lily” Remus said, loud enough for the others to hear. He finally turned to look at the other three, who had expressions of humour, defeat and confusion on Peter’s side.

 

“Bloody hell Remus” James said, tackling him from behind as they joined him.

 

“Does that mean you’re still available?” James directed to Lily, flashing a grin.

 

“Not for you Potter, now if you’ll excuse me. Oh and Remy, have a good day gorgeous” she said with a wink, enticing a laugh from Remus and even Sirius. James was just watching her with a gormless expression, he did that often. Peter clicked his fingers in front of James’ face and he snapped out of it, just in time for the four of them to head to Transfiguration. This time Sirius resumed his seat next to him, James in front of them and Peter to his left. A paper swan flew across to Lily and landed on her book whilst McGonagall had her back turned, Lily huffed and sent it back to him. The words – _s_ _od off Potter_ – written in perfect scrawl. James chuckled and Remus saw from a distance a hint of a smile from Lily.

 

“Potter, have you been able to change your pin into a worm yet?” McGonagall asked sharply, in response James dangled a pink worm that wriggled desperately. Sirius did his barking laugh, leaning over to poke James’ worm. The pair were brilliant at Transfiguration, even McGonagall couldn’t doubt it. Even Peter was good, though the others helped him a lot. But three fifteen year olds who managed to become Animagus was impressive.

 

“Moony, you’re in daydream again” Sirius said, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder. He smelled like aftershave and mint, Remus leant his head slightly on Sirius’. To anyone, it looked like them. No one thought differently about their affection, despite a few admitting that Sirius always seemed to be gentler with Remus. Remus put that down to his... problem. 

     “Moony darling, help me with my Charms essay?” Sirius said, plopping himself down next to Remus on the sofa by the fire. Remus just handed Sirius his notes and then he heard his quill scribbling. Then Marlene appeared, giving Sirius a smirk as he sat up. Her head gestured to the door and Sirius laughed.

 

“Help me out Moons? With the essay when I’m gone?” Sirius asked, Remus almost laughed in his face.

 

“Do it yourself Sirius” Remus said, grabbing his stuff and storming off to the dorm. He was being immature but something about the whole Sirius and Marlene thing really grated him.

         Over the next two months, Sirius became notorious for ‘playing’ girls. He still ended up going back to Marlene but that didn’t stop him from sneaking off with half of the fifth year. Remus just focused on his studies and getting through a full moon every month, he had recently obtained a large scar spanning from just under his right eye down his cheek. People asked questions, Sirius had joked about Remus having a run in with the Whomping Willow. More scars were starting to litter Remus’ body as he got older and his werewolf form got stronger. He was starting to become very conscious about them, he never changed around the boys anymore.

 

“Christmas holidays soon lads” Sirius sighed happily as he sat down next to James. Sirius would be joining the Potter’s again for Christmas, which is why he was so happy. Remus hadn’t told anyone that he was planning to stay here and study, his full mood landed on Christmas Eve this month so Christmas wasn’t going to be enjoyable. But he knew his friends would fret and moan if he didn’t go home, he’d just tell them when they couldn’t change anything. James and Sirius started arguing about the best part of Christmas dinner, when Lily interrupted them and called for Remus.

 

“Does anyone know that your full moon is so close to Christmas?” Lily asked him quietly when he was away from the others.

 

“I was hoping no one would notice, it’s okay. I have it all under control Lils” he said and she gave him a small concerned frown.

 

“You’re staying here aren’t you?” she asked and he nodded, turning to his best friends and sighed in relief as they weren’t paying any attention to their conversation.

 

“It’s for the best, my parents they- they don’t know how to deal with it properly. It’s safer for me here” Remus attempted to reassure her.

 

“Write to me please” Lily insisted and he nodded, placing his hand over hers as she smiled at him gently.

 

“Moony, can you help me with my Charms homework?” Remus heard Sirius say, so he said a quick goodbye to Lily before returning to his friends by the fire.

        “You haven’t packed, it’s not like you to be this unorganised” Peter pointed out the day before everyone would be leaving for Christmas.

 

“Well I um- I decided not to go home this Christmas” Remus said, the last bit almost came out silently. Sirius’ head snapped towards him, a frown set on his usually light face.

 

“You’re what?!” Sirius barked, Remus knew this was coming.

 

“I have to study, my parents understand. You’ll be back before New Years” Remus said, plastering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“You’ll write wont you Moony?” James asked and Remus nodded, he thought the conversation was dropped but then something seemed to click in Sirius.

 

“When’s the full moon?” Sirius asked and Remus swore under his breath.

 

“My choice has no reflection of wh-“

 

“When is the full moon?!” Sirius shouted, his voice showing the tension he felt.

 

“Christmas Eve” Remus sighed, sitting on his bed.

 

“You’re going to be alone in that hospital wing on Christmas Day” Peter squeaked.

 

“It’s better than a basement” Remus let slip, he shook his head in worry. His parents never understood how to deal with Remus’ lycanthropy and saw fit to lock him in a basement the night of and half of the day after his transformations.

 

“You didn’t tell any of us” James said, sadness leaking into his voice. That was the reason why, he didn’t want to upset any of them. They had to enjoy Christmas, even if he couldn’t.

 

“Because you three should be going home and enjoying Christmas not worrying about me, now get packing and get to bed you need early nights to drag Sirius out of bed” Remus finished the conversation, he wasn’t debating this any further. He was staying at Hogwarts where he’d spend the week reading, doing homework and eating as much chocolate as he could. He’d probably visit the kitchens a few times, the house elves always spoiled him with chocolate tarts and pumpkin juice. He left the others to pack, returning to his dorm later that night to find the three of them asleep. His best friends meant the world to him, he wanted to see them full of happiness and being stuck here with him wasn’t going to achieve that.

         Christmas Eve came by faster than Remus would have liked, he grew weak and unsteady as he made the usual walk to the Whomping Willow. It was difficult to touch the knot without Peter but he managed it after dodging the wild thrashing branches a few times. Darkness spread over the castle grounds, setting it in an eerie light that Remus shivered at. It was his home but times like this; nothing felt like it was allowed to be his home. He undressed, discarding the clothes in a pile and waited with dread filling ever aching bone. He always felt it in his mind first, the wolf inside him was eager to kill, hunt whatever. He felt his human thoughts and senses leak away and then his body changed painfully. His limbs stretched agonisingly, his face contorting and every inch of his body felt like it was on fire. Then Remus was gone, and the wolf in his place.

        “Come on deary, let’s get you dressed” he heard the familiar voice of Madame Pomfrey, whose kind face hovered over his as he awoke from the darkness. His entire body ached worse than usual; he could feel fresh cuts littering his body. It was always bad when the others weren’t there. Madame Pomfrey helped him dress, Remus crying out as his limbs seared with pain.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart, let’s get you up to the hospital wing” she said, but Remus was far too heavy for her to carry now. So they took the slow and painful walk up to the hospital wing where Remus collapsed into the bed from pure fatigue. ' _It’s Christmas’_ he thought to himself, before sleep took over again.

 

He woke again to feel bandages lacing his arms and a few on his legs, he could also feel stitches on his left eyebrow. That would leave another visible scar. He sat up slightly, his body still aching to see two big chocolate bars on his table. He ate one quickly, knowing he’d need to save the other.

 

“These came for you, had a few owls tooting at my window you see” Madame Pomfrey said, passing Remus a few gifts. One of them was from Lily, it was a beautiful white quill and a long letter written in her handwriting. Another was from Sirius and James, it contained a large chocolate pie, a photograph of the pair of them in Christmas hats with goofy smiles – this caused a small smile to crack onto Remus’ face- and a letter from both individually. Peter sent him a book, along with a note saying ' _hope it keeps you company’_ , Peter always was a man of few words. Another parcel from his parents contained the muggle brand of chocolate Cadburys, a large scarlet jumper with the letter ‘R’ in yellow stitching and a couple of muggle books that he had been wanting to read. He smiled at all his gifts, moving them to one side as he felt sleepy again. His friends and family really did care for him and for a moment Remus allowed himself to believe he deserved it.

      Madame Pomfrey forced him to eat a rather large Christmas dinner before he returned to his dorm that night, his Christmas had been entirely uneventful and he desired to keep it that way so no human interaction was going to happen. He was going to go to bed and hopefully sleep for three more days and then his best friends would be back just in time for New Years Eve. 

 

Sure enough, the next few days went quickly. Remus paid a visit to Tilly and the other house elves and he was loaded with chocolate tarts, pies, cups of tea – anything he wanted really. He usually went down for a quick chat as well, it got a bit lonely in his dorm.  But New Years Eve came and Remus was greeted with three big hugs from his best friends.

 

“Missed you Moony” James said when he finally pulled out of the hug. 

 

“Did you like your presents?” Peter asked and Remus nodded, thanking them all.

 

“What’s that?” Sirius asked, reaching out to touch the freshly healing scar that left a gap in his eyebrow.

 

“Nothing serious, okay?” Remus said, moving Sirius’ hand. Sirius frowned but nodded slowly, a smile appearing seconds later.

 

“Did you like the picture we sent?” Sirius changed the subject and Remus chuckled.

 

“It’s next to my bed” Remus said and Sirius puffed his chest out proudly.

     The party prep began not long after the Gryffindor common room filled up, Lily pulling Remus aside to ask how he was and he thanked her for the quill.

 

“The full moon Remus, how was it?” her eyes glanced up to the scar like Sirius had done.

 

“You’re almost as bad as Pads, I’m fine Lily I promise” Remus sighed, pulling her in for a side hug and she smiled at him.

 

“I do hope they don’t go on for too long tonight” Lily said, frowning at James; he was putting up the Gryffindor banners and charming the lion to roar every few minutes. Sirius and Peter had snuck off to get food and the rest of the common room was alight with people moving everywhere. Remus left Lily to go and get changed, pulling his new jumper over his head and digging out his blue jeans. They were the only pair that didn’t have any rips and tears in them. They were also slightly slim fitting around the top half of his legs but he couldn’t be bothered to change them. He ran his fingers through his fly away hair, attempting to help it form a quiff. The others came up a few moments after Remus and Sirius was positively glowing with happiness.

 

“The best party in Hogwarts I can tell you that” Remus heard Sirius say and he shook his head, Lily’s hopes for a quieter night were ruined.

 

“That firebolt whiskey you snuck in should do the trick” Peter said and James laughed.

 

“That’s where you’re hiding” Sirius said as he spotted Remus. Sirius began changing in front of them, like he usually did. He replaced his Gryffindor t shirt with a Led Zeppelin one, a muggle band Remus had introduced him to, that had a few purposely placed holes. One happened to show Sirius’ defined collarbone and Remus had to pull his eyes away. He matched it with a pair of high waisted black jeans that were ripped at the knee and he pulled his thick hair into a bun. Remus couldn’t take his eyes away then, Sirius was-   _Stop it_ , he told himself. He wasn’t going to do this tonight, not ever. He paid no attention to what the others were wearing. He barely even wanted this party to go ahead. But he’d smile and drink as long as his best friends were enjoying themselves.

      The party kicked off around nine and by eleven Sirius and James were dancing on a table and shouting out the lyrics to a band Remus didn’t recognise.  Sirius had begged Remus to take a couple of shots with him so Remus was slightly tipsy but nothing he couldn’t handle. His best friends on the other hand, let’s just say they were going to have very sore heads in the morning.

 

“They’re idiots, how do you put up with them?” Lily said, eyeing the three boys. Peter had taken to laughing wildly and clapping as Sirius pretended to grind against James.

 

“Because I love them” Remus said, they were stupid, foolish and troublesome but the three of them were his best friends and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“Gosh, don’t look so fond” Lily chuckled.

 

“Fuck off you” Remus joked and Lily rolled her eyes.

 

“Moony, what have I said about your swearing?” Sirius shouted across the room, how he heard them Remus wasn’t sure but Remus flipped him off. It was nearing midnight and Remus started to see everyone forming into small couples. Sirius had found Marlene, Peter had found a blonde girl who Remus was sure was called Bertha and even James had found a Ravenclaw girl.

 

5

 

Remus still stood next to Lily, nursing his butterbeer.

 

4

 

Lily didn’t move, her eyes were focused on James.

 

3

 

Remus couldn’t stop looking at Sirius and Marlene.

 

2

 

Both of them had faces of jealousy.

 

1

 

Remus turned and gave Lily a quick kiss, he wasn’t going to be the only fool on his own and Lily chuckled afterwards.

 

“That was weird” she said, sipping her butterbeer.

 

“Yes, never again. Like kissing a sister” Remus said back, small fireworks started to shoot from wands and Remus was reunited with his best friends. Lily was squished in the middle of a group hug.

 

“Four years together” James said, Remus could hear Lily’s complaints from the middle of them. Remus was tired, now the countdown was done he wanted nothing more than to retreat to the dorm. He gave them all hugs, lifting a drunken Sirius who leant against them and finally managed to slip away. That was until he heard footsteps following him.

 

“Never got the New Years kiss I wanted Moony” Sirius said, a pout on his face.

 

“You kissed Marlene, I saw you” Remus sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed. Sirius neared with a weird look in his eye.

 

“Didn’t really want to kiss her” he said, taking the seat opposite Remus on his own bed. Remus frowned, eyes focusing on Sirius and before he even knew what was happening, Sirius had leant forward and pressed their lips together. Fire ignited where their lips met, Remus felt his whole body buzz with electricity. Remus almost kissed him back, but instead he moved himself away.

 

“Not fair, don’t fucking do that” Remus snapped and Sirius frowned, he was drunk and Remus knew there was no way this would be happening if not.

 

“Go and enjoy the rest of the party Sirius” Remus turned away from him, curling up on his bed. He heard movement and then the door to the dorm shut. Remus felt awful, there was nothing he wanted more than to kiss Sirius. This wasn’t fair. He attempted to sleep but his brain was moving at one hundred miles per hour, he knew tonight would be sleepless.

        Remus got up before the others and went to the library to get in some reading before he had to face breakfast with the others. He had decided he was going to pretend nothing happened, it was easiest that way. * _Easiest for who*_ , he thought to himself but he pushed that away. The worst thing he could do right now was think about how he felt, Sirius was drunk and stupid and it was nothing serious. He finally left the library and joined the few students trickling down for breakfast, James and Peter were already there. Both of them looked tired and grumpy, James was scoffing down a large breakfast whilst Peter picked at a bit of dry toast.

 

“You left early?” James asked, his voice quiet for once. Remus gestured to his books before pouring himself an orange juice and taking some toast and jam. He didn’t comment on Sirius’ absence, didn’t feel the need to right now. But soon enough, Sirius came strolling into the Great Hall and sat himself down next to James with a smirk taking over his face. Remus’ eyes zoned in on the lovebite on his neck, and suddenly he didn’t feel like eating his toast.

 

“Morning fellas” Sirius said, something boastful in his voice. Remus daren’t meet his eyes.

 

“What’s got you so- happy? You probably drank a whole bottle of that stuff” James questioned, finally pushing away his breakfast and resting his head on his hands.

 

“I lost it Prongs” Sirius said, Remus had no idea what he was talking about and neither did Peter by the looks of it. But James sat up instantly, groaning momentarily but his eyes wide.

 

“You mean you and Marlene? When? Where? How?” James gushed, then Remus put two and two together and his toast threatened to come up again.

 

“Just after midnight I s’pose, we snuck off” Sirius said, Remus felt his grip on his cup tightening with every word that came out of Sirius. It was right after- oh God Remus felt ill.

 

“You and Marlene had s-“ Peter finally caught on and Sirius hushed him before he could finish, but the smirk never left his face.

 

“Fuck” Remus shouted as his orange juice went everywhere; his grip had been too tight. He waved his wand quickly and it cleaned itself up, before he ran at off out of the Great Hall and straight towards the stairs. He bumped into someone and only stopped when he heard Lily’s voice.

 

“Remus, God are you okay?” Lily said, grabbing his arm to stop him from running.

 

“Yes, I want to be alone. Tell them not to come looking for me” Remus said before leaving her and taking refuge up high in the Astronomy Tower. He stayed there most of the day, conjuring up a small fire with his wand and getting through most of his book. He trusted Lily had told the others to leave him alone because he wasn’t bothered at all, until he joined everyone for dinner and decided to sit next to Lily. She was sat across from his friends, much to her annoyance.

 

“What was up with you at breakfast?” Peter said as soon as Remus sat, Lily looked towards him to find out the answer as well.

 

“Dicky tummy” Remus lied. He didn’t even want to look at Sirius, he’d give too much away.

 

“Where have you been all day?” James asked.

 

“The Astronomy Tower, Lily told us to leave you alone” Sirius said and Remus finally looked up at him. He looked like he’d just woken up _, probably because he’s been up all night_  Remus thought but he shook his own thoughts out of his head.

 

“Just wanted some quiet, now where’s the food?” Remus said, changing the subject just in time for Dumbledore to start.

 

“Good evening and welcome back, I trust we are all ready for lessons to start again and I also trust that common rooms are back in order,” his eyes travelled to the Gryffindor table momentarily, “now let’s eat”. On Dumbledore’s words, food appeared in front of them and Remus tucked in to steak pie and potatoes. He avoided conversation, although Sirius spoke loud enough for the entire Gryffindor table to hear. Remus felt a small hand rest over Remus’, turning to meet Lily’s kind eyes.

 

“We need to talk, we’ll go for a walk later” Lily said quietly and Remus nodded. They both finished dinner quickly and Remus said something about meeting the others in the dorms, following Lily out of the Great Hall.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked and Remus looked around for an empty classroom. He found one and pulled her lightly into it before shutting the door and sitting on a table with his back to Lily.

 

“Tell me,” she said quietly, “I just want to help”.

 

“I’m in love with my best friend and have been for two years now - except he’s very straight and would have no interest in me whatsoever. He also kissed me last night when he was awfully fucking drunk and then left when I told him to stop it. Turns out when he left he shagged Marlene – they’re sixteen what is he – oh Lily” Remus said, feeling his eyes pooling but he refused to cry. He was being foolish and he had just spilled out to Lily how he was gay – was he even gay? Remus didn’t even know.

 

“It’s okay Remus, come here” Lily was five foot nothing but she still pulled him into a tight, warm hug.

 

“It’s okay, I promise you” she held him, whispering to him occasionally as he allowed himself to cry. Remus eventually looked up at her, she was smiling at him.

 

“You think I didn’t notice?” she finally said, light humour in her voice to defuse the tension Remus guessed.

 

“Am I that obvious?” he asked, wiping his face and returning her smile.

 

“Only to someone whose looking, I’m always trying to figure you out” she admitted. They finally decided to go back to the common room, their arms linked together. The Fat Lady swung open upon the password and Lily said she wanted to rest before lessons started so he bid her goodnight with a quick hug before making his way to his own dorm.

 

“Moony” Peter said when he opened the door, the three of them were lounging on their own beds in the pyjamas.

 

“Didn’t see you disappear after dinner?” James asked.

 

“Lily and I had duty” Remus said nonchalantly, he just wanted to go to bed and sleep. He wanted to sleep for a month.

 

“You missed Pads telling us about Marlene, seems they had fun” James said with a smirk in his voice, Remus turned himself away from them all as he slipped into his Gryffindor shirt. Remus didn’t say anything, the sarcastic remarks flying around in his brain would tell them something was wrong.

 

“Moony doesn’t need to hear it; he’s probably tired from all his _moping_ around” Sirius said from his bed, playful humour in his voice but Remus wasn’t in the mood. He hummed in agreement before getting into bed and rolling over on his side to face the window. The others seemed to collectively agree it was bedtime and Remus managed to salvage a few hours of sleep.

 

     “Wake up, you’ll miss breakfast” Pete said, shaking Remus from sleep. The room was full of sunlight and Peter was dressed in his uniform.

 

“Oh shit,” Remus said as he jumped out of bed, “how long have I got?”.

 

“Breakfast in ten” Peter said and Remus busied himself throwing his books and parchment and new quill into his bag, he carefully put the ink in so not to spill it. He multitasked by pulling his clothes on whilst brushing his teeth, hopping around the dorm like an oversized chicken. Peter seemed to be very amused by this, laughing his arse off whilst Remus struggled to get dressed. Finally, he tied of his shoes on and grabbed his tie before following Peter down to breakfast. The Great Hall was full obviously but when Remus approached where he could see James unruly hair, he noticed a certain dark haired girl attached to Sirius – Marlene. Remus took his seat next to Lily, who seemed rather annoyed to be sharing her breakfast time with the Marauders due to Marlene – and grabbed some toast, which he buttered furiously. Lily gave a light touch of his hand and he slowed his movements without looking up at her.

 

“ _Moons,_  do you mind if I sit next to Marlene in Charms today?” Sirius asked, dragging out his nickname. Remus shrugged in response, shovelling toast in his mouth to avoid a conversation about it.

 

“You’ll have me to keep you company” Lily said, her Charms partner was Marlene. Sirius and Marlene started kissing, luckily James tossed a bun at Sirius’ head and told him to stop putting him off his breakfast. Sirius grinned, Remus didn’t. The group made their way to Charms, Sirius taking Lily’s usual seat to which she huffed and threw her stuff next to Remus.

 

“I can’t handle much more of this I’ve hardly seen any of her” Lily exasperated, slamming her Charms book on the table so hard Flitwick jumped from his seat. She apologised promptly, a blush covering her face due to embarrassment. The lesson started after her minute outburst, they were practising * _Augamenti*_ which thankfully both him and Lily knew how to do so their cups were filled instantly. Remus spent the rest of the lesson listen to Lily rant about how her apparent best friend had dropped her so easily for a boy, Remus couldn’t tear his away from the pair flirting shamelessly. Sirius’ cup wasn’t filled, despite Remus knowing he was incredibly smart. This somehow annoyed him more than anything else.

        They were finally out of Charms and Remus walked ahead with Lily to Transfiguration, Sirius had no chance of swapping seats there. McGonagall liked to have the same seating plan so they were stuck next to each other. Sirius took his seat, a small smile on his face. He hadn’t mentioned anything about New Years Eve unless it involved Marlene so for him this was any normal lesson. For Remus this was almost painful, he just wanted to get this lesson done so he could go to Arithmancy and not be bothered by Sirius who had taken Divination.

 

“You okay Remus, you seem tense?” Sirius asked quietly as everyone scribbled down the notes from the blackboard.

 

“I’m fine” Remus lied, ending the conversation abruptly. James cut them a look from in front but shrugged it off. McGonagall set them off with a task and Remus tried to do with as little contact with Sirius as possible. Sirius was a hands on person and he thought the best way to diffuse the tension was to touch Remus constantly, this was agonising for him. The lesson also happened to go terribly slow, by the end of it Remus was more tense than before and needed a lie down rather than lunch.

 

     “Severus was talking about your scars today” Lily said as she sat next to him in the common room a week later, Remus’ heart started to beat fast. Snape was the last person Remus needed prying into why he got his scars.

 

“Tell Snape to get his rather large nose out of others business’” Sirius said and Remus looked towards Lily. Lily hadn’t spoken to Snape since the incident where James had dangled Snape by his feet in mid air and upon dropping him, Lily had rushed to help but Snape had snapped at her and called her a ' _filthy mudblood’_. Remus still remembered the colour washing from her angry face and the pure shock and hurt replaced it. Remus remembered James demanding he apologise but Lily effectively told Snape to fuck off.

 

“Or don’t speak to him at all, if he gets too nosy I’ll hex his actual nose” James said, anger in his voice showed that he was still thinking off the incident too. This didn’t diffuse Remus’ worries, Snape couldn’t find anything out.

 

Remus realised, with only a week until the next few moon, Snape was serious about finding out about what happened to Remus. Being tired and weakening every day, he didn’t even have to effort to try and shoo him away nor tell his friends. But this was unavoidable when at breakfast, just after Peter had slipped him a bit of chocolate, Snape walked by.

 

“I know why you’d need chocolate” Snape said, his slimy voice grating in Remus’ ear. He didn’t participate in the teasing of Snape but this didn’t lesser his annoyance towards him right now.

 

“Jog on Snivellus” James said, causing a few giggles.

 

“Just because I know his awful little secret” Snape replied and Remus’ heart fell. He couldn’t be serious, he couldn’t know.

 

“There’s nothing to know, go away Severus” Lily said and something changed in Snape’s face at her voice. His eyes bore into Lily’s for a second before he scurried off and joined the Slytherin table.

 

“I’m really going to teach that nosy bastard a lesson” Sirius said.

 

“You don’t think he kn-“ Peter started to say and Remus didn’t miss the abrupt shake of James’ head to get him to shut up.

 

     It came to the full moon and Remus was too exhausted to attend his Friday lessons. So he stayed in bed for the entire day, eating chocolate left by Sirius and wallowed in his own self pity.

 

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus asked when the others returned from lessons.

 

“He said he’d meet us down there, are you ready?” James told him, helping Remus out of bed. He draped the cloak over them both and Peter transformed into a rat because the height of James and Remus alone was making it difficult to conceal themselves properly. Peter danced ahead and touched the knot, allowing the other two to enter and for the night to begin.

 

      Remus woke in the hospital wing, his body aching tiresomely. He opened his eyes to James, Peter and Lily – no Sirius.

 

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus asked, trying to sit himself up. James instantly helped him sit, avoiding his eyes. Everyone was.

 

“There was an incident” Peter said. Oh God no, had Remus done something to him? Why wasn’t he here? Remus looked around the hospital wing, the other beds were empty. Had he killed him?

 

“What did I do?” Remus asked desperately.

 

“You didn’t do anything, he was the fucking idiot” James seethed, Remus had never seen anger like this.

 

“Language Mr Potter or you’ll have to go” Madame Pomfrey said as she passed them.

 

“Can someone tell me what’s happened?” Remus pleaded.

 

“Sirius! He told Snape to go down to the Whomping Willow at midnight! And of course because he’s been so nosy he did, I transformed into me with just enough time to stop the wolf from-“ James stopped his angry rant. Remus couldn’t quite get his head around it, how could Sirius have done this to him? He could have murdered Snape or even James, then what would he do? Remus suddenly felt like screaming or crying, or both. He just couldn’t believe Sirius would have been so foolish. Now Snape knew, he’d have to go home. He couldn’t stay here.

 

“I’m going to have to go home” was the only thing Remus managed to say.

 

“Dumbledore’s sorted Severus out, he won’t tell a soul” Lily said, Remus didn’t believe her. He felt betrayed, hurt, angry and ashamed all at the same time. He wanted to sleep again, he told the others to go back to bed. James and Peter looked like they hadn’t slept.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Remus asked James just before they left.

 

“No mate, I’m okay. Get some rest now please” James said, ruffling Remus’ hair and following the other two out of the wing. Remus was left with the tornado of emotions that wreaked havoc in his mind and the sleep he desperately needed but it just wouldn’t come.

       Remus didn’t see Sirius for the next two days, his bed hadn’t been slept in. Remus wanted to ask James, but James always looked at Sirius’ bed with a look of anger, hurt and longing. Remus understood that this had hurt James as well. But when Monday came along and Sirius was nowhere to be seen at breakfast Remus felt like he had to make an offhanded comment.

 

“Do you know where he is?” Remus asked and James froze momentarily.

 

“Yes” was all Remus got in response but that was good enough for him. Remus still felt all kinds of horrible emotions, betrayal just felt the strongest at the moment. Then he saw Snape and every hair in his body stood up, his chest full of anxiety as Snape passed them to get to the Slytherin table. He looked at them briefly, Remus couldn’t read his emotions, before turning away and quickening his pace. No one else had reacted to Remus today, so he clung onto the hope that whatever Dumbledore had said had worked.

       Remus wandered off to Charms, not really registering that Sirius usually sat next to him until a flash of red hair took the seat rather quickly. Then Remus saw him. He looked awful, tired eyes and unruly hair thrown into a messy bun. Even his movements were slower than usual, he kind of stared at the seat Lily was in then moved to take another. Remus had seen Sirius like this on two occasions, when his mother had sent him an owl telling him not to return home for Christmas during third year and when his uncle Al had died. But even both of those times, Sirius had left his emotions for his three best friends rather than publicise them like this. Some people gave him small glances, even James’ anger filled eyes broke for a second when he really saw Sirius. But despite this, the betrayal Remus felt seemed to overrule anything else and he focused on what Flitwick was saying. _Not very well_ Remus added mentally, his gaze kept flicking to Sirius and so did James’. Peter seemed to look very awkward, Remus knew this was going to be awful for him.

 

“He looks _awful”_ Remus heard Peter whisper and James hit his arm lightly. Sirius seemed to have not heard, he was focused rather intensely on Flitwick. Even Marlene seemed to be struggling for a response.

 

“This is bollocks” Peter finally said, rather loudly as he caught a few people’s attention.

 

“Five points from Gryffindor Pettigrew, that language is not prohibited” Flitwick said and Peter went a tomato red.

 

“He did wrong yes, but he’s Padfoot. Our Padfoot, if you two won’t talk to him I bloody will” Peter whispered harshly. True to his word, after the lesson Peter hurried forward to walk with Sirius to Potions. James and Sirius always worked together in Potions, this hadn’t changed in the entire five years being at Hogwarts. But James took Peter’s usual seat next to Remus and the look on Sirius’ face could only be described as heartbroken. If things were bad before the full moon between them, it was nothing like how the next two weeks would pan out.

       Sirius would go to bed before them all and pretend to be asleep or after when they all were. He sat away from them at meals, accompanied sometimes by Peter and a couple of his other friends who were oblivious to goings on. He never joined them for study, he moved further away in classes. But still he seemed to be itching to say something, and that came two weeks after the incident. Remus, James and Peter were all sat on James’ bed scribbling down notes for a Potions essay. OWL’s were looming closer and closer as the days dragged by and Remus was anxious for them. Sirius appeared through the door, eyes widening like he hadn’t expected to see them there. Remus stopped, eyes watching Sirius carefully. He also watched as the familiar sadness fell into James eyes.

 

“Peter, I was just uh- wondering if you had my quill. I lent it to you earlier” Sirius said quietly, obviously avoiding the eyes of the other two. Peter got up and retrieved it for him, handing it back slowly.

 

“Are you going to stay?” Peter asked, Remus watched as James frowned.

 

“No I- uh, well I was going to go to the library. Quiet and all” Sirius said, his voice laced with open worry. James looked at Remus, something pleading in his eyes. Remus nodded.

 

“Stay if you like” James finally said and Sirius snapped his head up to meet his best friends eyes.

 

“I don’t want to intrude” Sirius said.

 

“You’re not” Remus added, he was unsure this was going to work but they had to rebuild their friendship somehow. So Sirius stayed and studied with them, a sort of tension in the air but the four of them needed time to work together again. It wasn’t until the others went to bed that Sirius got Remus’ attention properly.

 

“I understand if you don’t want to but could we go down there and talk?” Sirius asked quietly, Remus rarely saw him this vulnerable. Remus nodded, pulling on his slippers and following Sirius downstairs. Sirius sat in his usual chair, so Remus sat on the sofa; an awkward silence had started to fill the space between them.

 

“I need to say sorry, I was foolish and stupid. I was angry at the time and didn’t think and none of this excuses what I did to you because I royally fucked up Moony,” Remus alerted a little at the nickname because he hadn’t heard it from Sirius in so long, “but I miss you and James so much and I’m not sure how much of this I can handle. I ruined everything and I didn’t think of the consequences but I don’t want you or James to hate me”. Sirius finished, a glimmer to his eyes that looked like tears threatening to spill.

 

“I forgive you, it’s going to take longer to forget and you have to understand that it’s difficult. I could have _killed_ him or James, Sirius. But nothing feels the same without you around” Remus finally admitted, allowing a long breath of relief. He had missed Sirius, even before this happened.

 

“Thank you, thank you so much. I can promise that from now on I’ll stay far, far away from Snape” Sirius said and Remus sent him small smile.

 

“Talk to James tomorrow, he misses you like hell. I’ve hated seeing him like this” Remus said and Sirius nodded. They agreed they’d both go to bed now, not before Sirius pulled Remus in for a hug. It was the first bit of contact for weeks and Remus body set alight like it always had. He still felt the same for Sirius, _always would_ he thought, even if it was going to take time for him to heal properly.

     Sirius and James made up the day after, Peter looked rather happy have all the Marauders sitting together at lunch.

 

“Me and Marlene broke up,” Sirius told them and Remus’ stomach did a little flip, “I feel like we’re better as friends who occasionally have fun together”. Remus didn’t mind this, at least he wouldn’t have to sit and watch them with their tongues down each other’s throats.

 

The next few weeks went without a hitch, their friendship coming back together simply – much to McGonagall’s annoyance. The February full moon went well, having his pack together meant the wolf wasn’t too harmful upon himself. The month of March started bringing a slight heat to the grounds, winter dwindling away. Sirius and James came back in full swing with pranks, although they stayed well clear of Snape. Remus watched as Lily started to grow fonder of James, not that she would * _ever*_ admit it. To even insinuate it would be an insult to all things Lily Evans. Her, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary still sat next to them at lunch. Amidst all the arguments and such, Peter had failed to mention he had got himself a girlfriend. Florrie was a small brunette Hufflepuff with chubby cheeks and a radiant smile, she was well suited to Peter. They all went to the next Hogsmeade trip in a large group, Remus throwing his arm around Lily’s shoulder as they strolled with the rest of the group.

 

“How is everything?” she said quietly, Sirius and James were showing off so no one was paying attention to them.

 

“Still have feelings Lils, learning to deal with them” Remus smiled down at her, she seemed to take this well. Sirius upheld his reputation of playing with girls, if Remus paid no attention it didn’t bother him too much. He just wanted his friends around him again, no matter the situation.

 

Remus’ life was bombarded with so much homework he hardly had any time to himself, he still went to watch the deciding game between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor with everyone. He cheered James, Sirius and the others on as Sirius sent a rather nasty Bludger hurling at the Ravenclaw chaser. The Ravenclaw chaser was built but not huge, a set of curly brown hair billowing as he zoomed out of the way. Despite it, he still had a flashing grin on his face. He was rather attractive, he turned momentarily to see Lily watching him with a smirk.

 

“Piss off” he said, his own smirk evident. The game ended half an hour after it started, the Gryffindor stands bellowing in triumph as the Snitch was caught. Remus cheered for his best friends, whose grins were magnificent. Remus watched as they shook hands with the Ravenclaw team and then took the cup, Gryffindor’s everywhere taking to the field celebrating together.

 

“Keep celebrations as moderate as possible” McGonagall urged Sirius but she too had a huge smile on her usually stern face. Remus knew the Gryffindor party was going to be big, he even heard that some of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were attending. A small part of him hoped he could see this Ravenclaw chaser again but he bit this down and congratulated his friends. Sirius pulled him in for a tight hug, his arms wrapping around Remus’ neck and head tucking into his neck. The Ravenclaw boy was gone from his mind.

       As expected, the party went on all hours. Sirius and James even stood on the large window ledge and shot out fireworks in scarlet and gold that illuminated the grounds. Even Lily joined in, Remus almost fell over when he saw her take James hand and they danced together for a bit. Remus laughed and drank butterbeer’s, enjoying the food from the kitchens. Sirius pulled him into a dance as well, he had a few shots of whiskey and was very happy to dance for a long time.

 

“You mean a lot to me Moony, thank you” Sirius said, his voice slurred and low. Remus smiled at his best friend, his heart swelling at every word he said.  

 

“I missed you more than anything and Jamie, don’t ever want that again” Sirius then pulled Remus in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist.

 

“Love you Moons” he slurred. The words hit Remus in ways that weren’t platonic.

 

“Time for bed Pads c’mon” Remus said and he saw James smile at him as he helped him up the stairs.

 

“Need to get in my jammies” Sirius said, his voice growing tired. Remus helped him get unchanged, Sirius giggling as he wobbled on the spot.

 

“Lie with me for a bit” Sirius asked and Remus complied instantly, tucking in next to Sirius and allowed Sirius to wrap his arms around Remus’ waist. They used to do this when either had a nightmare, they were usually the only ones awake. Remus fell asleep quickly cuddled next to Sirius, and the face blue-grey eyes and wide mischievous smile filled his dreams.

 

Over the next coming weeks, due to Remus being hyper aware of his sexuality and Lily being the only one he confided in, he started to notice the way others acted. He especially noticed Dorcas. The way she seemed disinterested or simply nodded along when the girls spoke about who they thought were attractive, or they way her eyes travelled to the Slytherin table or in classes with the Slytherin’s and always seemed to fall on one particular girl. Despina was a Slytherin in the same year as them, she had long flowing blonde hair and fantastic green eyes.

 

“Hey Dorcas, can I uh- talk to you?” Remus said as she lifted her head up from her books, she nodded slowly and passed Gryffindor common room to sit next to him on the sofa.

 

“You don’t have to answer, are you g-?” Remus said in a hushed voice, not finishing the word before a large smile cracked onto Dorcas’ face.

 

“Yes, am I obvious?” she asked, slight humour in her voice.

 

“Only if you know what you’re looking for” Remus said and she furrowed her eyebrows for a second before a grin split her beautiful face.

 

“Oh my god, you should have said something! Queer buddies” she said the last words in such a quiet tone it was impossible for the rest of the common room to hear anything, Remus still flushed a deep shade of red.

 

“Despina?” Remus asked and Dorcas nodded, before she was called over by Alice and she bid her farewell. Remus was joined soon after by Sirius, James and Peter.

 

“How was detention?” Remus asked as Sirius curled up next to him.

 

“I’m tired” Sirius pouted as he wrapped his arms around Remus’ waist.

 

“ _Hurtyn_ ” Remus said and Sirius rolled his eyes.

 

“I do love it when you speak Welsh” Sirius said, without a clue of what Remus had just called him. Peter, who had picked up on a few Welsh words, giggled at Remus. Remus sent him a cheeky smile, Sirius didn’t notice. He was too busy burying himself in Remus’ side. Remus reached out and started brushing Sirius’ hair with his fingers, the puppy in Sirius always enjoyed this. Remus looked up to see Peter dozing off in front of the fire, but James was watching Remus and Sirius with a smile Remus had never really seen. It was full of sincerity, his green eyes watching with care. Many labelled James as arrogant but Remus knew that he was their mother hen. He cared deeply for them all, would never let any harm come to them. Remus treasured this about James. After Sirius almost falling asleep in Remus’ lap, James announced it was bedtime and the four of them retired to their dorm.

The next few months consisted of Remus over doing studying for O.W.L’s, even Sirius and James started to get worried. Time at Hogwarts was slipping through their fingers, as was the time fifth years could enjoy the sun. Seventh years shared their struggle, the common room was constantly full of longing eyes staring out of the window whilst surrounded by piles of books.

 

“I’m tired of this!” Sirius threw his quill down, making Lily jump.

 

“I’m going to lose my hair if we don’t get out in that sun at least once, we aren’t going to die if we miss a couple of hours” Sirius said, James nodded next to him.

 

“C’mon then” Remus said, pushing his books into his bag and taking them all up to the dorm. By the time the four of them returned, Lily had gathered her girls and they all made their way down to the lake.

      They found one patch empty of any other years, everyone rolling up sleeves and pushing their hair back if it was long enough. Sirius had opted for tying his hair in a bun, Remus couldn’t stop staring. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his trousers up enough to dip his feet in the lake. He was laughing at something James said, the bark laugh that came when he found something very funny.

 

“I hope I don’t burn” Lily sighed, her pale skin had already started to go light pink.

 

“Fortunately, I can’t relate to that” Marlene said, her dark skin glowing in the sunlight. Lily rolled her eyes, scooting further into the shade of the trees.

 

“Sirius?” Remus heard Dorcas whisper in his ear, only Lily would have heard anyway but she had her nose in her Charms book.

 

“Don’t say a word” Remus told her, she out her hand over her heart.

 

“Gay honour” she whispered and Remus had to laugh at this.

 

“Lily knows about me, if you ever need someone I have faith she’d be good” Remus said and Dorcas gave him a small smile, before following Marlene down to the lake. They all enjoyed the sun for awhile, Remus and Lily heading back up to the common room and being closely followed by the others. Remus felt Sirius jump on his back, laughing as he almost fell but gripped tightly onto Remus’ shirt.

 

“On forth, to endless hours of studying” Sirius said, nudging his back leg for Remus to move faster.

 

“Not when your great weight is pulling me down” Remus laughed, shaking Sirius off his back.

 

“Man down!” James called after Remus heard Sirius fall into a heap.

 

“Of course it’s you boys making this racket, I’m sure you have better things to do?” McGonagall appeared from the entrance to the Great Hall, Remus was attempting to stifle his giggles.

 

“Sorry Minnie, had to enjoy the sunshine at least once before we perish at the hands of our OWLs” Sirius said, drama leaking from him. McGonagall cut him a look but turned in the other direction.

 

“I’ll make sure to make your Transfiguration one even harder” her final words were before she disappeared through the door she came from. Peter let out a groan behind them.

 

“She’s joking Pete, she loves us too much” James said, slinging his arm around Peter and pulling him close. Out of all of them, it was Peter who was struggling most with the pre-exam nerves. Remus knew they all were really, but Peter had so much doubt in his own abilities that at times like this you truly saw his vulnerability and his reliance on his friends. They returned to the common room, their books replacing the beautiful warm air and relaxation.

 

     O.W.L’s went by quickly, when the Marauders stepped out of their last exam, they all went jumping for joy towards the grounds.

 

“We’re done, we’re finished. No more exams for two years!” Sirius shouted, throwing off his cloak and undoing his tie.

 

“I failed them all” Peter sulked.

 

“Shut up and enjoy the sun, you wouldn’t have failed with the amount of studying you did” Sirius said but he sent a warm smile Peter’s way. They didn’t have long left at Hogwarts until the summer holidays and Remus knew the others were going to help him enjoy it no matter what.

 

     With all four of them passing their O.W.L’s, even Peter who was desperately worried, the journey back was light hearted.

 

 “See you soon Moony, you’re always welcome at ours y’know” James said as they got off the Hogwarts express. Remus could see his parents waiting, anxious but loving smiles decorated their faces.

 

“See you Prongs, I’ll write and see what we can do. Take care of him” Remus said as he pulled James in for a hug.

 

“Bye Marauders, until September my beautiful friends” Sirius said dramatically, pulling them all in for a tight hug. Remus could see Walburga and Orion greeting Regulus but sending horrible looks Sirius’ way. James also seemed to have noticed, he steered Sirius away from them and towards his parents.

 

“We’ll see if we can have the boys down in the summer, I can write to you Lyall” Fleamont said, still looking unchangingly like James. Euphemia gave Remus and Peter a small hug, saying something about it being almost necessary for them to come over. Peter left with his mum after quick goodbyes.

 

“Let’s head out then Rem, it’s a long journey back” Hope said, taking her son under her arm.

 

“Bye you two, have a good time” Remus said and Sirius pulled him in for one big hug.

 

“Keep safe Moons, I know it’s hard at home” he whispered in Remus’ ear before giving him another squeeze and leaving with the Potter’s. Then he left with his parents, his dad pulling his trunk and his mother fussing over Remus looking thinner and him getting taller and ‘even more scars I see’. The usual comments from his ever worrying parents. He couldn’t help but love them dearly.

       The first few weeks of summer passed well, he helped a lot around the house with his mum. Even his first full moon was okay and by okay he meant the wolf seemed to calm himself down by ripping chunks out of the wooden flooring. It was the first week of August, Remus got a letter saying that The Potter’s would love to have him and Peter for a week. His parents agreed to it, knowing that being away from his friends made Remus grumpy. So two days later, Remus and Lyall took the Floo to the Potter’s and Remus was greeted by three people bundling on him.

 

“Moony! We missed you!” he heard Peter first.

 

“What took you so long?” James second.

 

“It’s great to have you here” Sirius last.

 

“Morning Lyall, I trust the Floo from Wales wasn’t too taxing for you?” Fleamont asked kindly, Lyall shook his head.

 

“Not at all, now I must get back. I’ll come and get him in a week’s time” Lyall said, shaking Fleamont’s hand and returning back through the Floo with a smile and a wave to Remus.

 

“Now boys, fresh lemonade is in the garden” Euphemia told them, her kind manner never failing. Remus was finally able to stand up.

 

“Bloody Merlin Remus, it’s been a month and you’ve grown about a head taller already?!” James shouted, Remus rolled his eyes at his best friend.

 

“This is unfair, everyone’s growing except me” Peter whined, following Sirius into the garden. Remus could see they had been playing on their brooms, they were left in a pile on the grass. The Potter’s garden stretched out for ages, big enough to play Quidditch on.

 

“Thanks Mum” James said, as he poured glasses for all four of them. Euphemia kissed her sons head and returned inside.

 

“He’s been resisting the urge all summer to call her mummy” Sirius said, kicking up his feet so they rested on the chair in front of him. His hair was still getting longer, it was in a bun now. His skin was also a little darker than usual, him and James had obviously been out in the sun a lot.

 

“What’s that?” Remus poked Sirius ankle.

 

“It’s a moon” Sirius said.

 

“I’m going to get some antlers and I’m not sure what to get for Peter yet, the moon was just easiest to do” Sirius told him, Remus nodded but his stomach was bubbling. Sirius had three other tattoos, a small star on his middle finger, a crest on his chest and some writing on his left thigh. To think he now had a tattoo that represented Remus in some way, made his chest ache longingly.

     They spent the rest of the day playing Quidditch or trying to play in Remus and Peter’s case. Remus even tried to teach them all how to play football but Sirius got irritated because he couldn’t fly and wasn’t very good with his feet, also maybe because Remus was very good at football and the others were useless.

 

“Dinner boys” Euphemia called, the four of them bustling through the back door together. Sirius had James in a headlock, ruffling his already very messy hair even more. When Sirius finally let him go, his glasses were lopsided and he looked rather dazed. Remus heard a click behind him, Fleamont stood with a muggle Polaroid camera.

 

“You should have this, I’m sure you’re the most sensible of your four. Get some nice shots” Fleamont said, passing Remus the camera. There were only three people who knew Remus had always been interested in photography and they all sat very quickly to eat as he turned with the camera. 

 

“Only if you’re sure, these aren’t che-“ Remus started but Fleamont waved his hand.

 

“No bother at all, now let’s all eat” he sat down, finishing the conversation. Remus smiled down at the picture of James forming, sliding it over the dinner table.

 

“I’ll show that to Lily” Remus said and James shook his head, a soft smile on his face.

        The rest of the week was a lot of fun, but as the full moon was four days away Remus started to grow tired. He’d sit and watch the others play Quidditch whilst he read, snapping a few pictures of them. He did love his present, Fleamont had even put a spell on it to make it constantly refilling so Remus would never have to replace the shots. When his dad arrived a week after he was dropped off, Remus was growing tired but he gave Fleamont and Euphemia huge hugs.

 

“You must come back next summer, we’ve loved having you” Euphemia said.

 

“Can’t resist your lemonade” he told her and she gave him a warm smile. Lyall took his case, Remus had the camera on a strap around his neck. His three best friends bundled him into a large group hug.

 

“See you in September” Peter whispered.

 

“Have a good rest of you holiday Moons” James said after.

 

“Please be okay, write and tell me how it was” Sirius said finally before they let him go and he entered the fireplace with his dad. He watched their smiling faces disappear and then he tumbled into his living room.

 

The start of the Marauders sixth year came by quickly, the four of them sitting in a carriage together. Sirius randomly pulled out a cigarette and James rolled his eyes.

 

“I left you for less than a month and he took up smoking” Remus sighed.

 

“I have no idea how and why either” James said. Sirius smoked out of the open window of the carriage. Remus couldn’t deny, with the leather jacket – a present from Fleamont, James told him – Sirius looked hot. Remus looked away, suddenly very invested in the game of Exploding snap the other two were playing.

 

“Can you believe it’s the start of our sixth year together?” James said.

 

“I don’t know how I’ve put up with you” Peter joked and James shoved him lightly with a playful smirk.

 

“I hope Minnie’s missed us” Sirius said with a mischievous grin, one which James returned. They had a welcome back prank planned, Remus could tell.

       The welcome back prank was disappearing benches. After the sorting and during Dumbledore’s yearly welcome speech, everyone tumbled straight on their arses due to all the benches disappearing from underneath them. Sirius and James were the only ones stood up, even Remus and Peter had fallen.

 

“Potter, Black. Detention again! And ten points from Gryffindor each” McGonagall shouted across the hall. This was met by laughter. Remus could see Dumbledore hiding his smile as the benches reappeared and everyone sat down again.

 

“You did _t_ _hat_?” asked one of the new Gryffindor first years, shock evident in her face.

 

“They did, but you wouldn’t want to follow after them. They spend most of their spare time in detention” Lily interjected before a smug Sirius could say a word. The young girl smiled at them all, crinkles forming in the corners of her eyes.

 

“Mum said this place was going to be good” she said, returning to her food. Lily and Remus had to herd the new first years up to the common room, accompanied by Sirius, James and Peter who were telling them all about Hogwarts in their own special way.

 

“Peeves is my personal favourite ghost – well he’s actually a _poltergeist_ – thank you Lily, he’s a little sh-“

 

“Shut up _S_ _irius_ ” Lily said as the first years started to giggle.

 

“ _Miscanthus”_ Lily said to the Fat Lady who was fanning herself in her portrait. The portrait swung open to reveal Gryffindor common room.

 

“Remember that password, you don’t want to get caught sleeping outside by Filch” Remus told the group and they all nodded, Remus watched as one repeated it under his breath a few times.

 

“Now those are your dorms, they’re labelled for you. Get some rest, you all have busy days tomorrow. If you need anything just ask Remus and I” Lily said, smiling at the first years as they rushed to their dorms.

 

“God I’ve missed being here” Sirius said, throwing himself on the sofa and lifting his legs so Remus could sit down and resting them on top of his thighs.

 

“So have I” James said, sitting in his usual armchair. Lily joined them, sitting on the floor with her back against the chair and Peter was spread out in front of the fire. Their little four seemed to have expanded one and Remus could see James was particularly happy. They finally retired to bed, Sirius propping open the window for another cigarette as they all got themselves sorted.

 

“Those are bad for you” Remus told him, joining Sirius on the windowsill as the others brushed their teeth. Sirius shrugged, flicking away the ash and taking another long drag.

 

“We’ll need to get you an ash tray” Remus said, watching as the smoke curled from Sirius’ pink lips and out into the cold air. A small smile appeared and Sirius’ eyes lingered on Remus’ face longer than usual. Remus started to notice the faint outlines of facial hair growing on Sirius’ face.      

 

“Bedtime boys” James said and Sirius did a spell to get rid of his cigarette butt before they all clambered into bed.

 

Remus didn’t notice he was dreaming until he felt strong arms wrap around him.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay Rem. You’re here” Sirius whispered repeatedly in his ear, rocking him as Remus calmed down.

 

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Remus asked, they hadn’t done this in a while. In third and fourth year, they’d climb into each other’s bed all the time and help each other through nightmares. But since Sirius hadn’t been home, he had less nightmares.

 

“No, I still get them too. You want me to stay?” Sirius said, eyes soft and gentle. It was time like this Remus saw his vulnerability. Remus nodded to Sirius tucked himself under the covers, wrapping one strong arm around Remus and pulling him close. Despite Remus being taller, he still managed to fold himself into Sirius and get a comfortable night sleep with him there.

 

“Rise and shine” James said, stirring Remus. He could feel breathing on the back of his neck, Sirius was still there.

 

“Mornin’ Prongs, what time is it?” Sirius stretched out, his hand sliding down Remus’ stomach accidentally. Remus felt his entire body erupt.

 

“Breakfast is in half an hour” James told them, pushing his glasses up his nose and raking a hand through his ever unruly hair. Peter appeared from the bathroom, dressed and ready which never usually happened. Sirius finally sat up, padding across to his own bed and grabbing a hair tie to pull his hair into a bun. He got changed in front of them, Sirius had never really been shy like that. Remus, on the other hand, changed in the bathroom and brushed his teeth and his hair back into some sort of style. His hair rarely cooperated, but at least it wasn’t ever as bad as James’. They made it down for breakfast in time, Remus putting his bag down next to Lily as she passed him some toast.

 

“Good morning the formidable foursome” Lily said, eyeing the boys who had quite recently become her usual company at school.

 

“It can be a fivesome if you really want” Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows. Remus hit him with a copy of the Daily Prophet as James’ almost dropped his cereal everywhere.

 

“You will never cease to amaze me Sirius” Lily said, rolling her eyes dramatically. Dorcas and Marlene joined them after a few minutes, Dorcas sitting on the left of Lily. Florrie came by and planted a swift kiss on Peter’s cheek before mentioning something about meeting her later.

 

“Did you talk to her?” Lily whispered, only Remus seemed to pick it up – werewolf hearing.

 

“If you can count stumbling in front of her and dropping my Charms book as talking to her then yes, she did pick it up for me though. I swear when our hands touched I heard a choir of ang-“ Dorcas started and Remus snorted.

 

“Shut up you, it’s not like you’ve ever done anything about B-“ Lily hushed her, Sirius was looking over at them.

 

“I have Arithmancy first, is that with you?” Remus asked and Lily nodded.

 

“See you in Potions” Sirius said, then he left with James and Peter.

 

 (para) Potions came around quickly, Remus seated next to Peter.

 

“Today, we’re brewing Amortentia. Who can tell me what that is?” Slughorn asked, Lily’s hand shot up of course.

 

“It’s a love potion Sir, the most powerful, but what’s most _distinct_ is its personal smell to you. The steam that arises smells like the things that most attract you” Lily said, Slughorn smiled at her.

 

“Brilliant, ten points to Gryffindor. If you turn to page one hundred and five, you will find the formula. Off you go” Slughorn said and there was a rush for ingredients and such.

Half an hour later and with the room taking a very misty aroma, most of the class had achieved their Potions.

 

“Now, each of you can smell your Potions but I will need to have them drained afterwards. This potion is _dangerous_ ” Slughorn told them. Remus leant forward into the steam rising from his cauldron. Cologne, fresh sheets, cigarette smoke and distinct smell of – dog. Remus knew he was blushing but he looked up to see Lily’s pale face a shade of red he had never seen on her.

 

“Must have brewed mine wrong, can’t smell anything” Sirius said loudly, moving away from his cauldron like it was poisonous. The class all drained their cauldron’s, Slughorn deducted ten points from Slytherin for one of the girls trying to sneak a phial.

 

“Accio Amortentia” Slughorn said with a flick of his wand. Nothing happened so he let the class go.

 

“You smelt something” Remus whispered to Lily. She shook her head but the way her eyes couldn’t quite meet his told Remus enough.

 

      Remus and Lily were patrolling the corridors when she cleared her throat.

 

“Grass, presumably from the Quidditch field, pumpkin juice, parchment and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on” Lily said quietly, James loved pumpkin juice and when did he not smell like grass.

 

“A muggle cologne he wears, freshly washed sheets, cigarette’s and dog” Remus admitted.

 

“Aren’t we idiots?” she said, humour playing in her voice.

 

“We sure are” he replied.

 

      “What _did_ you smell Sirius? I’ll tell you!” Remus heard James say, the door to their dorm was left open slightly, “roses, old books, her hair and that perfume she uses”. James was describing Lily’s scent. There was no need to guess that.

 

“Wood, washed sheets, chocolate-“ Sirius stopped. Remus’ heart grew tight.

 

“Shitting hell Pads” James exasperated.

 

“Just shut up, can we not talk about this now?” Remus heard movement, he waited a few seconds before opening the door.

 

“Peter still not back?” Remus asked, making sure to keep his voice level.

 

“No, good on him” James joked, Sirius was on the windowsill with his back to Remus. Remus watched James’ eyes flit between himself and Sirius but Remus didn’t comment on it. He decided that a shower and bed would be best, he wanted to avoid any awkwardness.

       The Amortentia potion wasn’t mentioned again over the next few days, except Dorcas who gushed something about cats and vanilla, these two things turned out to connote with Despina. Not that Remus was sure how she had found out, he was worried he’d have a stalking case to deal with. The first Hogsmeade trip of the year came around quicker than the sixth years expected, soon they were all meeting outside the grounds.

 

“This is Elizabeth” Sirius said, his arm laced with a pretty blonde girl. James stared at him for a minute, before shrugging and greeting Elizabeth. Remus stood to the side with the girls all of whom seemed to know her. He nodded towards her, feeling Lily’s grip on his arm tighten. Remus sent her a wary smile, he’d dealt with this all before. It was protocol, Sirius met girls, Remus got upset, Sirius finished with said girl and pined back to his best friends.

 

“Hufflepuff, she’s in my muggle studies-“

 

“Remind me again why you take muggle studies Lils” Marlene interrupted her.

  
“Shut up Marlene, she’s quite slow but nice enough I suppose” Lily said, she turned her nose up at Sirius. Remus nudged her and told her to knock it off, it wasn’t Sirius’ fault. But his and James’ conversation still replayed in Remus’ mind. He distracted himself by immersing himself in the girls conversations, James tagged along. Him and Lily had actually been getting on well, they were ahead slightly – deep in a conversation. Remus smiled fondly to himself, James would be very happy about this. He caught a glimpse of Sirius, wrapping his arms around Elizabeth’s shoulder as he whispered something in her ear. Peter was holding hands with Florrie as they walked ahead as well. Remus was suddenly struck with the overwhelming feeling that he was very different from his three best friends. Even if his infatuation with Sirius managed to die down, Remus felt as though he was always going to like boys. His best friends would all get married, possibly have children, live long lives together as normal couples and Remus would never have that.

 

“I’m going to go back to the common room, I’ll find someone and tell them I was unwell. I’ll see you in a bit” Remus said quietly to Dorcas, she nodded but a questioning frown was on her face.

       Remus allowed himself time to be alone. He rarely got that and as much as he enjoyed the friendships he’d established sometimes being alone helped. He thought back to the very first journey to Hogwarts, how he’d been a small sickly boy of eleven who sat alone in a carriage. His parents had urged him to make friends, but as the train filled and his carriage remained empty his stomach had sunk.

 

_“Can we join you? Everywhere else is full” a boy with wild hair and circular glasses asked. He was accompanied by a small boy with blonde curls and another boy, who was the most gorgeous person Remus had seen. He was all tanned skin, dark hair – that was short at the time – and those beautiful stormy eyes that Remus was entrapped in. The four of them got into conversation easier than expected, that’s when Remus finally found a little bit of hope. But he still had the awful feeling that he was very different from those three boys._

He’d always been _different_ ; it was a label he couldn’t shake. But this didn’t help, it made him feel worse. He decided to take a nap to try and diffuse some tension.

 

He woke up a few hours later, when he heard his friends coming up the stairs.

 

“She’s nice, isn’t she?” Sirius said and James made some kind of response Remus couldn’t hear properly. He sat up, running his hands through his bed head.

 

“Moony, Dorcas told us you left” Peter said, the others were looking at him with questioning faces.

 

“Headache” Remus simply replied with, they nodded but didn’t seem to buy it. Remus really didn’t want to get into a conversation about it, so he asked James about Lily.

 

“We talked a lot yeah” was all he said. Now, the Marauders had not been able to get James to stop talking about Lily for their entire school life. But now that something was evidently happening, James had little to nothing to say. Sirius shrugged, rolling his eyes at James.

 

“Got you a little something” Sirius said, the end of Remus bed dipped with his weight. He looked up and found a small bag full of chocolate.

 

“Your supply was running low” a small smile was on Sirius’ face and Remus couldn’t bring himself to smile back.

     Dinner was quick, Remus just wanted to go to bed. It was midnight and the bed opposite his was still empty and unslept it. He forced himself to sleep, there was no use waiting up.

 

_Flashes filled his mind, his body wasn’t his but he felt like himself. There were his friends, cowering away from him with looks of pure terror. Remus shouted, shouted to get out. But he wasn’t himself. And he couldn’t control the body he inhabited, it clawed for them as strangled cries escaped their bodies and Remus screamed and screamed and..._

 

“Hey! Hey Moons it’s okay, you’re here” he heard the soothing tones of James. He was sweating; every inch of his body was shaking. He touched James’ arms, making sure he was okay. Peter was watching them both, he looked speechless.

 

“I’m sorry I just- nightmares, I c-can’t...” Remus faltered. Sirius’ bed was still empty.

 

“Here, eat some of this” James broke a bit of a chocolate bar and Remus ate it gingerly. It helped soothe him slightly, James made himself comfortable on top of Remus’ covers as he led back down.

 

“I’m not moving until you’re asleep, I’ll probably nap here. Just get some proper rest” James told him, Peter had gone back to bed after asking how Remus was a dozen times. Sleep eventually took over Remus, whilst James watched over him with sadness in his eyes. James just wanted Remus happy, his friends were amazingly important to him. He watched as a frown took over Remus’ face, even in his sleep.

     “It was really bad Pads” Peter whispered, Remus could feel the sun on his face.

 

“How bad?” Sirius asked even quieter, Remus couldn’t make the tone.

 

“You’d know if you were here, I’m going to breakfast” James said curtly, then the dorm door opened and he heard feet shuffling out. Remus stayed in bed, it was Sunday and he had no obligations. He didn’t feel like eating in a crowded room. Last night’s nightmare wasn’t like any he had had before, it was concerning him.

 

“Hey Moony, I heard about la- I’m sorry, I wasn’t there” Sirius said around an hour later, the bed moving as he sat down.

 

“You’re not here to baby me” Remus said plainly.

 

“I know but you always, I don’t know what I’m saying. I just- sorry” Sirius repeated his apology.

 

“It’s okay, I just kind of want to rest” Remus replied quietly.

 

“Uh- of course you do, well you need to come down for dinner at least. I’ll come up later” Sirius sighed in defeat before leaving Remus, who curled in on himself and couldn’t bring himself to sleep again.

      The few days after the nightmare weren’t great, Remus felt aggravated and he snapped at people constantly. Mostly Sirius. This wasn’t like him but he was so tired and the lack of sleep was contributing to that. Sirius also spoke about Elizabeth more than Remus cared for. This was pathetic jealously that he wasn’t entitled to at all. Remus needed to move on, Sirius had no interest in him romantically and Remus being hung up on him for years was starting to become sad. Besides, Dorcas and Lily both pointed out the cute Ravenclaw that kept staring at Remus whenever they were near each other. So Remus attempted to find ways to speak to him, finding out his name was Albert – Albie for short – was a start. He also went to the library a lot, so Remus made more frequent trips. It was busy on a Thursday afternoon and when Remus arrived one of the only places to sit was near Albie.

 

“Hi, do you mind if I sit here?” Remus asked, he hoped to God he wasn’t blushing.

 

“Course” not that it mattered if he was because Albie had just turned a light shade of pink as he moved his school bag out of the way. Remus took out his Potions essay, leaving to find some books and then returning. Albie smiled at him bashfully, Remus realised that up close he was even more attractive. Pearly white teeth outlined by soft pink lips and his blonde curly hair framed his face perfectly. Remus coughed and then resumed writing his essay.

 

“Didn’t realise how difficult our work would get after O.W.L’s” Albie said, it was rare you found a Ravenclaw that openly complained about work.

 

“Tell me about it, I’m starting to wish I didn’t pass them” Remus joked and a small laugh came from the boy next to him.

 

“I’m Albie by the way, you’re Remus. But I don’t think we’ve ever properly met” Albie said and Remus nodded, shaking the blonde boy’s hand.

     They studied together often, usually on a Tuesday and a Thursday because Albie had practise a lot of the week. Remus returned to the dorm one night with a light smile, thinking about the three hours Remus had spent chatting to Albie rather than getting his homework finished.

 

“Who’s Albert Richards?” Sirius asked as soon as Remus stepped foot into the room.

 

“He’s the Ravenclaw Chaser, you know who he is” Remus huffed, putting his books away.

 

“Yes, but why were you with him for three hours today?” Sirius asked, James rolled his eyes and Peter paid no attention.

 

“Because we study together, why are you so interested?” Remus prodded, James lifted his head up slightly then. He seemed to be observing Sirius’ reaction.

 

“Because you’re fraternising with the enemy, we play Ravenclaw in our first game” Sirius said, his voice told otherwise but Remus didn’t press for the actual reason.

 

“We have never once spoke about Quidditch, now I’m rather tired so if you’re done with twenty fucking questions, I’m going to bed” Remus snapped, taking his pyjamas and changing in the toilet. He hadn’t changed around the boys in a good few months now, none of them made a point of it. When he returned, Sirius was gone and James looked annoyed.

 

“He’s off to see Elizabeth. I hope he knows we have practise tomorrow” James said to no one in particular and right now Remus didn’t have time to deal with their petty squabbles, he needed rest.

 

       “Just come down with me?” Peter begged, pulling on Remus’ robe sleeve. Remus ended up giving in, so with a piece of toast dangling from his mouth he followed Peter down to the Quidditch pitch to watch James and Sirius practise. Remus had brought a book with him, so he leant back in the stands as Peter eagerly watched his best friends. James and Sirius were sweaty and adrenaline fuelled by the time they had to give the pitch to the Ravenclaw team. Remus was sent a wide smile and wave from Albie, which he returned.

 

“Might as well blow him a kiss whilst you’re at it” James whispered in his ear, grin plastering his face.

 

“You smell, go and shower” Remus said, pushing James away affectionately. Then he caught Sirius’ eye, who had deep frown that clouded his usually light eyes.

 

“When were you going to tell us?” Sirius said as he threw his Quidditch robes on his bed.

 

“Tell you what?” Remus asked calmly, although Sirius acting out was starting to get on his nerves.

 

“That you, you’re –“ Sirius started, Remus knew what he was talking about.

 

“That I’m what Sirius, c’mon spit it out” Remus was angry now.

 

“That you’re gay!” Sirius exclaimed, James shook his head and turned away from them both.

 

“Since when is it any of your fucking business who I am attracted to?!” Remus questioned, anger sizzling from him.

 

“We share a dorm!” Sirius bit back. Remus was taken aback by this, he had never realised Sirius could be so _homophobic._

“Fucking _l_ _olyn"_ Remus said as he stormed past Sirius, he had never felt anger like this before. Sirius had upset him in the past, but never would he have thought that his sexuality would make his best friend uncomfortable.

 

“That was shitty” Remus heard James say as Remus took off down the stairs. He saw Lily in the common room, who immediately stood up and followed Remus out of the portrait hole and into an empty classroom. Remus shouted at the wall, kicking a table with more force than intended.

 

“He’s a fucking homophobe Lily!” Remus shouted. Lily raised her eyebrows and sat herself down.

 

“No he’s not” she said quietly.

 

“He found out about Dorcas and her little crush, he was really nice about it and told her to go for it. Now you know I’m not one to praise Sirius, but he was good with her” Lily admitted, Remus sighed in defeat. It was _*him*,_  Sirius only had an issue with Remus being gay. They shared a dorm, hell they even shared * _beds*_ on particularly bad nights. That had to be it.

 

“Sorry I blew up, I was angry” Remus said as the pair of them left to return to the common room.

 

“It’s okay Remus, I hope he comes round” Lily said, patting his arm affectionately and sitting with her friends. Drawing in a long deep breath, Remus headed up the stairs to his dorm. He found all three of them still there, he half expected Sirius to run away as he usually did. Sirius was smoking on the windowsill, his back turned but Remus watched as his body posture changed.

 

“I am gay, it’s not something I planned on saying yet. Hell, I didn’t even realise until recently myself. If any of you have any difficulties with that then that’s your problem because I can’t change who I am” Remus announced, eyes burning holes in the floor below him.

 

“I overreacted, I don’t have any issues with who you are” Sirius said, still not looking at Remus.

 

“Pete and I don’t care” James said and Remus nodded slowly.

 

“Thank you” he said quietly, before getting into bed and closing the curtains around him. He just wanted to rest.

 

“Moony, hey, it’s me. You’re okay, I promise” he heard Sirius’ quiet voice over his own whimpers and jolted awake.

 

“Let me stay here, you seem- tense” Sirius said, grey eyes meeting honey ones with care.

 

“Are you sure you want t-“ Remus was cut off by Sirius sliding under the covers next to him and wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist, tucking his head in the crane of Remus’ neck as he usually did. They fell asleep like this and Remus felt a surge of warmth and hopefulness. He was never over Sirius and also couldn’t see it happening anytime soon.

     Sirius’ seventeenth birthday went by quickly, November trickling away as they headed into the Christmas month as James called it. Sirius and Elizabeth broke up, Remus made it clear to Albie that he wasn’t looking for anything, Pete and Florrie were still going strong and James was pining over Lily. But now his pining had been fuelled because Lily seemed to be, if only a little bit, returning his affections. Remus had seen it coming and frankly was quite happy for the pair. Sirius, on the other hand, moaned to high heaven that his Jamie wasn’t paying him enough attention. James would roll his yes but snuggle into Sirius, Remus knew that this was because James knew how dependent Sirius was on him. Having no relationship with his brother took a toll on Sirius and with the Potters being his family, James was his brother.

Regulus, as Sirius put it, was getting in too deep with the Dark Arts and Sirius told them that Regulus was impressionable. He had hoped that maybe some of himself had rubbed off on his younger brother, but Sirius rarely spoke of Regulus so they never got the full picture.

That’s why, as Remus was headed to Arithmency, he was surprised to see Regulus heading towards him and even more surprised when Regulus gestured for him to enter an empty classroom.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Regulus started, “I’m here to tell you that, I know something’s going on between you and my brother. Whether you’re engaging in s- or together or whatever I don’t want to elaborate on. But despite our situation he’s still important to me so don’t hurt him”. Remus almost fell over from the shock, Regulus thought him and Sirius were shagging? And he was warning him to not break Sirius’ heart?

 

“Me and Sirius- I mean we’re not, not together or anything like that” Remus stuttered out. Regulus seemed to deduce this information for a minute.

 

“It’s not my business but I see the way he looks at you. Just make sure he’s – _h_ _appy"_   Regulus said the last word with so much emphasis Remus felt his heart ache. This was a younger boy who still yearned for his older brother despite his own family tearing them apart.

 

“I will, I promise you” Remus said and Regulus nodded curtly, before leaving the room without another word. Remus was almost late to Arithmency due to him debating what the fuck just happened. He couldn’t tell Sirius that his brother corned him because he thought they were dating, it sounded odd in Remus’ head. He spent the entire Arithmency lesson thinking about Regulus’ comment, ' _I see the way he looks at you’._ This was very confusing for him.

    When Remus and Lily joined the others outside their DADA class, James and Sirius were arguing about something they learned in muggle studies. Something to do with a motorbike.

 

“Good morning students” Professor Hart said, allowing them into the classroom. The tables were pushed back against the walls and a cupboard in the middle of the room replaced them.

 

“Today, we are going to get first-hand experience with a Boggart” Professor Hart said and a few excited gasps were let out, Remus’ stomach sunk. He couldn’t possibly do his Boggart in front of everyone, he knew what was going to come out and that wasn’t suitable for the classroom. Professor Hart gave him a small questioning look and Remus shook his head.

 

“You can stay after the lesson, its good practise” he said and Remus thanked him. After a small demonstration, where Professor’s Boggart had come out as a giant puppet and then _Riddikulus!_ it lost its strings and landed in a heap, the class lined up eagerly. Many different things popped up, spiders, clowns, even a large creepy doll that Remus had to admit scared him. Then it was Sirius’ turn, he had never spoken of his fears before so Remus had no idea what was going to come. Sirius stepped in front of the Boggart, and Remus’ heart fell. In front of Sirius were two stern looking people, Orion and Walburga stared at Sirius with such menacing faces. Hushed whispers came from the room, everyone knew who the Black’s were. Even if you were muggleborn the similarities between the two people and Sirius were unmistakable.

 

“ _Riddikulus!"_ Sirius shouted, cutting through the whispers as his parents limbs turned into jelly and Marlene took his place. Sirius took no notice of the wide eyes and whispers that followed his Boggart, just watched intently as the others did there’s.

 

“Did you still want to do yours Mr Lupin?” Professor Hart said, Remus was the last one out of the classroom on purpose. Remus nodded slowly, putting down his bag and grabbing his wand firmly. His knuckles were white and his body trembling, he felt rather small despite his height. Professor Hart gave him a reassuring nod before he opened the cupboard again. Remus expected a full moon, a wolf, not his best friends to be staring at him with cold eyes. Remus stuttered as blood dripped from them, the word _Monster_ chanting repeatedly from them.

 

“ _Riddikulus_ ” Remus said weakly, the Boggart simply changed to Sirius on his own. Wolf made wounds covered his body as he gasped for life.

 

“You think I’d ever _l_ _ove_  someone like you” the Boggart spat, Remus felt something happen inside him.

 

“ _Riddikulus!"_  he screamed at the thing and it disappeared into the cupboard. Professor Hart was watching him with careful eyes.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that” Remus said pathetically, he felt so small.

 

“Here” Professor Hart gave him a block of chocolate and sent him on his way. As Remus left the classroom he bumped into someone, Sirius was staring at him.

 

“I guess both of our Boggart’s weren’t what we expected” Remus said, Sirius nodded slowly before leading the way to the Great Hall for lunch. Remus didn’t speak, the images of his Boggart stopped him from eating much as well. Sirius seemed to have the same problem, his sandwich staying untouched.

   That night, at around midnight, Remus felt his bed dip again and the familiar warmth of Sirius’ wrapping himself around Remus.

 

“You’re not a monster” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear, planting a soft kiss under it that set Remus’ entire body alight. He turned so he was facing Sirius, grey eyes cutting through the darkness.

 

“You’re not them” Remus replied with and he watched as a single tear stroked down Sirius’ cheek, Remus lifted his hand up to wipe it away when he felt Sirius lean forward into him. That’s when it happened, their second kiss. This was very different, both parties were sober and no one pushed the other away. It lasted around five seconds, Sirius pulling away and resting his forehead on Remus’. They didn’t talk, just fell asleep with hands intertwined and bodies curled in on each other.

        Remus didn’t know where his relationship with Sirius stood after that night, he had stopped sleeping with girls and they shared a bed most nights but Sirius hadn’t explicitly told him they were anything. It was nearing the end of term, the Gryffindor party two nights away and Remus stressing over his Potions essay when he decided to say something. It was only him and Sirius in the dorm, Peter was with Florrie and James had attempted to be secretive but everyone knew he was meeting Lily.

 

“Pads, can I ask something?” Remus said quietly, Sirius put out his cigarette and joined Remus on his bed.

 

“Of course Moony” Sirius played with Remus’ fingers as he tried to get his words out.

 

“What are we?” Remus eventually asked and Sirius let out a long deep breath.

 

“Y’know when I questioned you about Alfie – _Albie –_ I don’t care what his name is and when I got all shitty when I realised you were gay. That’s because I’ve felt these weird feelings for you for a long time now. When we did the Amortentia the scent was you, everything about you” Sirius said quietly. This was out of character for Sirius, Remus rarely saw him open up about emotions.

 

“Mine smelled like you as well. I’ve had feelings for you since I was thirteen, embarrassingly” Remus admitted and Sirius leant forward to press a deep kiss on Remus’ lips.

 

“I just want to- to keep this quiet for now, I don’t think I’m ready for everyone to know that I-I’m not straight. But don’t think that means I feel for you any less” Sirius said, tightening his grip on Remus’ hand. Remus nodded, moving his Potions essay aside and lying back against his pillows. Something changed in Sirius’ face, his finger traced over a slice of exposed skin where Remus’ shirt had ridden up slightly. Remus stared at him with wide eyes, as Sirius licked his lips and leant forward to kiss down Remus’ jaw and neck. Opening the first few buttons on Remus’ shirt Sirius placed wet kisses on his chest, over a few of the older scars on Remus’ chest. Then Sirius moved his thigh and Remus inhaled sharply, his thigh was pressed up against Remus’ crotch and Sirius was watching him with a wicked grin

 

“God lads, you won’t believe what just happened” James said as he entered the room, Sirius practically fell off the bed how quickly he stood up, Remus threw his covers over his bottom half. James eyed them both before splitting into a grin.

 

“I kissed Evans” James announced, flopping down on his bed with a daydream smile.

 

“Finally Prongs!” Sirius said, jumping on his friend with excitement. Remus smiled fondly at them both, James looked happier than ever.

 

“I’m happy for you” Remus said and James thanked him with that ear splitting grin.

 

      James and Lily officially started dating at the Gryffindor Christmas party, Sirius being very overdramatic and claiming Lily was stealing his man. Remus and Peter offered their congratulations like normal people. Deep down Remus knew how happy Sirius was for James, it was five years of pining finally paying off.

 

“You and Si-“ Lily asked as the other three got increasingly more drunk.

 

“Sh, we’re keeping everything quiet. I can’t believe you and James finally got together” Remus said, changing the subject. They both turned to look at their significant others, who were wildly dancing to a wizard band – on the common room table. Remus bit back a smile of affection and Sirius’ eyes met his own with a wink, Remus pretended to swoon. Around two am, when the youngsters decided they were getting tired, Remus had to drag the other three up into the common room after James kissed Lily goodbye several times.

 

“Moony, I’m sharing with you” Sirius announced, Remus rolled his eyes as he changed into his pyjamas and tucked himself in. James passed out almost immediately, Peter not long after. By the time Sirius finished his cigarette and stripped off, Remus was starting to fall asleep.

 

“My Moony, my lovely Moony” Sirius said, tucking himself into Remus.

 

“Yes dear” Remus said, placing a kiss on the top of Sirius’ head.

 

“Love you” Sirius mumbled into his shoulder.

 

“Love you too” Remus replied, then he heard the soft snores coming from Sirius so he allowed himself to sleep.

 

   Christmas without his best friends was always torture, but it wasn’t long until he was greeted with crushing hugs from the three of them. Sirius’ hug lingered longer than usual. Sirius had also started to grow facial hair, well it had been developing over the last few months but now he was supporting dark stubble over his face and Remus started to imagine how that would feel when they kissed.

 

“I owled Reg during Christmas. Told him about my Boggart” Sirius said as they all sat in their carriage.

 

“He told me that my parents were worse than usual, that he didn’t like most of what they said but it was difficult for him to get out of it,” Sirius sighed, “but he’s my little brother and I told him that I’d always have his back. All this Dark Age stuff is starting to wear me down”.

 

“Mum and Dad said not to worry, that we’re too young to focus on those things. But we could be out of school after next year, we need to start thinking about the real world” James said with a solemn expression. Remus had read a few things about the recent rise of Dark Magic, an evil wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort was rising up – and fast by the words of some writers. James was right, it should be something they started to discuss.

     Their first feast back was relatively calm, Sirius and James seemed to have been too preoccupied over Christmas to organise a welcome back prank as they usually did.

 

“Good evening Evans” James said, a blush occupying his face. Lily seemed just as flustered, much to the amusement of her best friends.

 

“Hello Potter” she replied, practically nose diving into her food as she attempted to hide the blush that covered her pale face. Remus found this highly amusing, he’d be sure to bring it up on their next prefect duty. James mumbled something about meeting the others in the common room, to which Peter replied that he had to go and see Florrie. Sirius sent Remus a grin and a wink, it had been a long time for them.

 

“Missed you” Sirius said as they shut the dorm room behind them, their lips were together almost instantly. Sirius deepened the kiss, pushing Remus against the door with his groin. This sent a flurry through Remus and he gripped onto Sirius’ hips.

 

“They could come back at any time” Remus whispered, as Sirius was making quick work with the buttons on Remus’ shirt.

 

“Right now, I don’t care” Sirius said, raking his hands over Remus chest. Suddenly, he felt very self-conscious and moved himself away from Sirius’ touch.

 

“Moony, you’re killing me. What’s wrong?” Sirius whined, desperation evident in his voice.

 

“My scars, they’re just-“ Remus fell short, he hadn’t been topless around anyone in a long time and that was due to the heavy scars that littered his entire body.

 

“I happen to adore your scars, they’re rugged and handsome and with them you look- well, beautiful Remus” Sirius’ words took a hold of Remus heart and he blushed uncontrollably.

 

“But if you prefer, let me do these up” Sirius started on the buttons but Remus placed his hands gently to stop him. Sirius sent him a warming smile and started placing kisses over the scars, Remus’ stomach fluttered every time he did so. Sirius even started to unbutton Remus’ trousers, grey eyes making a point to stare into Remus’ from the floor. Remus felt an involuntary moan leave him as his trousers dropped, leaving only his boxers as a barrier. Then they heard footsteps.

 

“Oh for fuck sakes” Sirius growled, Remus practically ran to the bathroom.

 

“Peter why are you back so fucking early?” Sirius snapped, Remus shut the door to finish what was started as his crotch was growing painful. When he returned, Sirius was sulking with a cigarette on the windowsill and Peter was moodily getting into his pyjamas. James returned a few moments later, looking quite smug and supporting tousled hair that was worse than usual.

 

“At least someone got what they wanted” Sirius mumbled as Remus joined him on the windowsill.

 

“I told you they’d be back” Remus said, taking the cigarette from Sirius’ fingers and drawing in a drag before passing it back. The look on Sirius’ face was incredulous, he was staring at Remus like he had just descended from heaven.

 

“You, Mr Lupin, are going to be the death of me” Sirius said, finishing off his cigarette and creeping away to the bathroom. James sent Remus a quizzical look but seemingly shrugged it off, getting into bed instead. Remus decided it was probably time for him to get some sleep, and wasn’t joined long after by Sirius.

 

“One day it’s going to be quite obvious that you share my bed every night” Remus pointed out, but Sirius only held him closer.

 

“Let them find out, that way we might have more than a minutes private time” Sirius whispered, planting a kiss under Remus’ ear. ' _Let them find out’_ rang in Remus’ head for a long time.

         Their first week back consisted of Remus being dragged along to watch Quidditch practise by Peter and a sudden overload in homework. Apparently preparation for NEWT’s was starting earlier than anticipated. As Remus became more swamped, Sirius became more needy. Even Lily noticed, even though most of her attention was on James. Their two groups seemed to merge together due to Lily publicly dating James. So their little group of foursome had now spread to an ‘orgy’ as Sirius had put it. Remus had groaned at this but quickly shut up when Sirius leant over and whispered, * _‘but I’m all yours’*_. They hadn’t actually managed to do anything due to their living situation, to which Sirius openly complained about when they were alone. Sirius had also never heard Remus swear so much when they were both close to getting some release and the dorm door opens.

 

“This Potions essay is a load of shit” Sirius said, pushing his parchment away from him and dramatically throwing his head on Remus’ shoulder. Remus just rested his head on top of Sirius’ and carried on writing lazily. 

 

“Remus, take me to bed. These people will have us slaving over homework all night” Sirius announced, his invitation for Remus to go to bed with him would be passed off as him overdramatizing everything.

 

“You go to bed, but I do need a shower. I’ll see you all in the morning” Remus said, gathering up his parchment and books and left with a chorus of goodbye’s following him.

 

“I say we’ve got a good half an hour, Peter was no way near finished his Transfiguration essay and James is bound to help” Sirius said, making quick work of Remus tie as he pulled him in for a kiss. Remus started with the buttons on Sirius shirt, revealing the chest hair and dark skin underneath. They both kind of rushed to Remus’ bed, tugging the curtains around them as they made untidy dismissal of their clothes. It all happened so quickly Remus barely had time to feel Sirius touching him when the other voices started.

 

“Oh bloody Merlin, Peter turn around!” James’ voice carried across the dorm. Sirius jumped up, grabbing his trousers and slipping into them. The large gap in the curtains was their downfall.

 

“Will you two piss off?! This is the third time this week we’ve tried and you two come bounding in like flipping baboons!” Sirius shouted, James and Peter stopped in their tracks.

 

“Not one bit of bloody privacy before you two come barging in,” Remus had sorted himself out and pulled the curtains back properly, watching as James and Peter struggled to find something to say, “you two wouldn’t like it if I just kept appearing whenever you were with your significant other!”

Sirius finally stopped shouting, the other two looked gobsmacked.

 

“I knew it, you owe me” Peter said smugly, then they both turned towards the door.

 

“We’ll leave you in peace with your _‘significant other’_ ” James said gleefully and made his way back down the stairs.

 

“Where were we?” Sirius said and Remus smirked as Sirius joined him in bed again.

   James staged an official Marauders meeting to go into detail about Sirius and Remus’ relationship – ignoring Remus’ complaints.

 

“If you two are going to – do whatever you do in the dorm then learn how to do a Silencing charm because I definitely don’t need to hear it” James said, Peter agreed and Remus groaned.

 

“You aren’t mad or anything?” Sirius asked, this caught Remus’ attention.

 

“Mad? I couldn’t be happier that you two are together,” James exasperated, “so no, I’m not mad at all”. The last part was softer and to watch a warm smile appear on Sirius’ face made Remus’ stomach flutter. Sirius leant back and placed a soft kiss on Remus’ lips, to which James and Peter made heaving noises.

 

“Fuck off the pair of you” Remus said, humour laced into his voice.

 

“So are you boyfriends or whatever?” Peter asked, eyeing them both intensely.

 

“You could say that, yes. Yes okay – we’re boyfriends” Sirius said, Remus had to bite back the grin taking over his face. Sirius just rolled his eyes, leaning back against Remus and lighting a cigarette. Remus plucked it from his fingers occasionally as James blabbed on about Lily this, Lily that. Sirius just nuzzled further into Remus, getting rid of the cigarette as Remus fingers started to card through his dark hair.

 

“Jamie mate, I thought that once you got into a relationship with Evans you’d finally stop prattling on about her so much,” Sirius said just as Remus stifled a yawn, “you’re even sending Moony to sleep”. James laughed, throwing a pillow at the pair of them.

 

“Goodnight lads” James said, shifting from the floor and settling himself into his own bed. Sirius passed his own, snuggling into Remus sheets.

 

“You know, it was quite obvious something was going on between you when we saw you’ve been sharing a bed for the past month” Peter said lazily, as Remus turned the lights off with his wand.

 

“You never saw what happened underneath the covers did you Pete?” Sirius teased, the others groaned – even Remus.

Somehow word got to the girls about Remus and Sirius’ relationship, Remus had an idea Sirius had dramatically announced it to them, and they were all extremely happy for him. They still agreed to keep it quiet, except between close friends, because Sirius admitted he couldn’t deal with another Howler from the Black family. Regulus kept giving them small smiles, it was the most Remus had seen the brothers communicate and Sirius was better off for it. Still, Regulus chose his friends unwisely and this was the barrier to repairing their relationship entirely. James and Lily also became news of the school, how ‘Potter had finally been able to bag his girl’. Lily still scolded him regularly, and oddly enough James listened. Much to Sirius’ disapproval, pranking came to a halt.

 

“My partner in crime has left me stranded” Sirius had moped one night, head in Remus’ lap as he read the last pages of Pride and Prejudice.

 

“The pair of them are in the honeymoon period, he’ll be back soon enough” Remus sat, stroking his boyfriends hair and enticing a sigh of contempt.

 

“You really are a puppy” Remus had said, Sirius leant up to press a brief kiss on his lips. The only good thing about them both being insomniacs was that they got to have the common room to themselves most nights.  

    As January came to a close, February started cold and bitter but still Remus could be seen amongst the hundreds of students piling in for the last Quidditch match of the year. Gryffindor were playing Slytherin, both James and Sirius were very invested in winning this game. Remus had always hated crowds but he was there to support his boyfriend and his best friend. Sitting with Peter and the girls, Remus found himself getting rather into the sport he hadn’t paid much attention to before.

 

“And Slytherin send a nasty Bludger flying towards the Gryffindor beaters – AND Black curves it, almost knocking half of the Slytherin team off their brooms” the commentator shouted, Remus watching anxiously as Sirius steadied himself before going after another Bludger. James was making quick work of putting Gryffindor ahead, but the other Chaser was just as good. It was when the commentator screamed something about the Snitch, that the Gryffindor stands started to grow wild.

 

“AND MCKINNON GRABS THE SNITCH – GRYFFINDOR WIN THE CUP FOR THEIR THIRD CONSECUTIVE YEAR” the commentator boomed, the stands were going crazy. McGonagall jumped from her seat, flying down to the grounds as the pitch started to fill with students. Remus joined Peter, heading towards James and Sirius who were celebrating with ecstatic grins on their faces.

 

“You did it!” Remus said, pulling James in for a hug then turning to Sirius. Remus was just about to hug him when he felt lips crashing onto his.

 

“We won!” Sirius said when he pulled away, some of the crowd were watching them and Remus blushed.

 

“Pads, people are sta-“

 

“I couldn’t give a flying fuck Remus, we won and I’m in love with you” Sirius said, kissing him again and this time Remus grinned into the kiss.

 

“Keep parties sensible, and congratulations” McGonagall said with a small smile they saw rarely on her.

 

“No wonder Sirius has kept his dick in his pants recently” Frank Longbottom said, Sirius flipped him off. They all made their way up to common room, songs and cheers following them. Sirius arm rested lazily over Remus’ shoulder, Remus relished in the warmth of it.

   The party went on until the early hours of the morning, when Remus physically dragged his best friends up to bed.

 

“Everyone knows we’re dating Moony” Sirius giggled, stripping out of his shirt. It landed on James’ head when he threw it and the others dissolved into fits of giggles.

 

“C’mon you three numpties, get in bed” Remus said, guiding Sirius as the other two flopped themselves into bed.

 

“I love you my Moony” Sirius mumbled as they got into bed.

 

“I love you too, now let’s go to sleep” Remus said, kissing Sirius briefly on the cheek and then lying next to him. Within seconds, Sirius was wrapped around Remus and light snores were coming from his boyfriend.

The next morning, Remus sat amongst a very tired and slow Gryffindor table. Older years were nursing hangovers, younger years nursing tired heads due to being up so late. Remus literally had to make Sirius his breakfast because he was incompetent. The owl post came halfway through breakfast, a bright red envelope dropped in front of Sirius.

 

“I swear on Merlin they have spies here” Sirius grumbled, tearing open the envelope before it did it for him.

 

“FIRST YOU BETRAY THE BLACK NAME BY BEING PLACED IN THAT GOD FOR SAKEN HOUSE, THEN YOU TARNISH US FURTHER BY CAUSING TROUBLE WHEREVER YOU GO AND NOW, YOU DEEM IN SENSIBLE TO FLAUNT YOUR _HALF BLOOD BOYFRIEND_ IN FRO-“ the howler sizzled up in front of them, McGonagall was pointing her wand their way with a deep frown on her face. The hall was silent for a minute, all staring at Sirius.

 

“Do proceed with breakfast” Dumbledore said and there was a scurry of cutlery.

 

“I’m sorry they-“ Sirius said, eyes glancing at the crumpled pile of ashes. Remus kissed his boyfriends temple, flashing him a warm smile before telling him to eat something.

 

“Walburga’s shrill voice is enough to put me off my jam on toast,” James said as he eyed Sirius’ face, “let’s go chill at the lake for a bit”. It was cold and the wind bit at their faces slightly, but Remus conjured a heating bubble around the four of them. He sat close to Sirius, their hands linked through gloves as James started to reminisce over their five and half years together. Remus knew why, it was very likely they wouldn’t be here after seventh year, this felt cold and unsettling but as he watched his best friends make Sirius’ upset turn into happiness he knew he’d be okay. He had the Marauders and they’d never let him down. He’d always have them, he could see the four of them years from now, sat around with greying hair and lines on their faces from all the grins and laughs shared. The world outside of their teenage bubble was terrifying and things happening were out of their control right now but to have three people you can rely on was warming in itself. No matter how dark the world got, Remus had his Marauders. He reached into his bag and grabbed the camera Fleamont had given him during the summer; he snapped a quick picture of his and Sirius’ hands and then one of Peter and James smiling at each other. He had started to get quite the collection of photographs, some of Lily and James, some of his friends and most of them consisted of Sirius. His particular favourite was one when Sirius had just woken up, his hair falling out of a bun and a lazy smile on his face, Remus kept that one close.

       The next few months passed quickly, much to Remus’ annoyance. His and James’ seventeenth birthdays passed by respectively, everything was changing in front of their eyes. Sirius now had groomed stubble that tickled when he kissed Remus. They slowly became old news, most people just pretending to gag when Sirius kissed Remus at breakfast or when they were spotted too close in a classroom. Regulus, despite seemingly warming to Sirius prior to January, now avoided his brothers eyes in the corridors. The reason became clear when Sirius stormed into the dormitory one night, looking very angry.

 

“He’s joined them, Regulus is a fucking _Death Eater!"_  Sirius said the last part with so much malice that Remus felt the harshness of it. Death Eaters were what followers of the rising dark wizard Voldemort were calling themselves. Voldemort was now responsible for the killings of muggles as well as wizards and witches and the Daily Prophet’s reports were starting to become jarring to Remus.

 

“How do you kn-“

 

“Heard him talking to Snivellus, he really is my parents through and through” Sirius’ eyes were wild and livid but behind them Remus knew he was hurt. Hurt that his younger brother could be that sort of person. James obviously saw this, they both stood up to pull Sirius into a hug which he quietly cried into. Peter wasn’t around, they were seeing less and less of him recently. They held him for a while, Remus rubbing circles in his back as James whispered encouraging words. Sirius moved away from them eventually, eyes red and shaky hands searching for his cigarettes. Remus joined him on the windowsill, James leant against it. Neither of them spoke, just passed around a cigarette and allowed Sirius time to adjust. Truthfully, something like this wasn’t anything you could simply get used to – but Sirius was going to learn to live with it because that’s what he did. He had spent years suffering from the abuse of his parents, being an outcast and not having a proper family. Granted, Remus knew that this dragged him down sometimes but Sirius had built a life outside of his lineage. He had found family in the Potter’s, with Remus and Peter. Sirius didn’t need anyone affiliated with the name Black to prosper in the world.

 

    Their sixth year came to a quick end, this disheartened Remus more than anything. The four of them knew that their seventh year would be their last together. After spending six consecutive years together this fact alone worried Remus. Leaving the safety and the homeliness of Hogwarts would be another thing. How would his lycanthropy work in the ‘real’ world? This all stayed with Remus during the summer but as his mum grew sicker those were the last of his worries.

    Hope was admitted to hospital in the August, his dad sat him down and told him that nothing looked certain and to prepare himself. The only way he knew how was to write to his Marauders, explaining his situation.

 

“My darling boy, come here” Hope said quietly and Remus sat next to her, taking her frail hand in his own.

 

“You’ve been such a brave brilliant boy Remus, so smart and loving. I’m proud that we had a son like you” she said, smiling her usual warm smile as Remus’ eyes welled with tears. She reached out and stroked an escaped tear with cold hands, but Remus still felt warmth.

 

“I love you my little Remmy” she said, that was the first time she had called him that since he was a little boy. Lyall came in after this, Remus left them to talk properly. Then on August 15th, Hope died in her sleep and Remus had never seen his father more distraught. Everything around Remus seemed to come crashing down, the wizarding world was destroying itself and was close to all out war. He wrote to the Marauders again, and within the next few days two boys came tumbling out of his fireplace and into his arms. Peter hadn’t been able to travel but Remus understood. Sirius hugged him tightly as Remus cried, retching sobs that he finally allowed himself to feel. Tea was on hand from James, who deduced that tea and chocolate was his way of helping. Lyall kept out of the way, he had to prepare for the funeral. James and Sirius said they’d be here as long as Remus needed them, so they stayed until the funeral and then left for home. But by that time, the school year wasn’t too far away and Remus was able to spend time with his dad.

     He boarded the Hogwarts express hand in hand with Sirius, whose eyes kept drifting to where his parents kept eyeing him with disgust. Remus only just resisted the temptation to stick his middle finger up at them. Lily, Marlene and Dorcas joined them in their usual carriage – Peter didn’t seem too happy with this but Remus decided not to mention that whilst the girls were around. James and Lily had been given head boy and girl, much to everyone’s surprise. Well Lily wasn’t, she was the brightest witch in the school but James on the other hand. His exceptional work didn’t really weigh out his antics throughout his years at Hogwarts but what Dumbledore decides is always final.

 

“Our last year” James sighed, as Lily leant her head on his shoulder.

 

“Unless we fail our NEWT’s” Marlene added, beating Sirius at Exploding Snap again.

 

“Very positive Marls, we aren’t going to fail” Lily said, Marlene gave her a ‘maybe you won’t’ look which Lily seemed to ignore.

 

“Where’s your girl Dorcas?” Sirius asked.

 

“Oh her, we aren’t together anymore. Wasn’t really as interesting as I thought. But the Chaser on the Hufflepuff team has this gorgeous blonde hair and she smells good” Dorcas said and Remus chuckled.

 

“Emilia? Good luck with her, she almost knocked Sirius off his broom for winking at her in fourth year” Peter said, Remus stiffened slightly but Sirius’ head leant on his knee eased him immediately. The conversation changed and Remus pulled out his camera to snap a shot of the last carriage to Hogwarts. That thought didn’t settle well with him, but the smiling faces of his friends made him feel that no matter how this year ended – he was going out with strong bonds and happy memories.

The feast back was as wholesome as ever, Remus helping himself to seconds of the jam tart. Dumbledore hushed the hall as the food disappeared and the speech died instantly. All eyes on him again.

 

“In our times of great worry and darkness, our school offers a light to everyone. This year, as all years, but particularly now we need to come together as one. Put aside our foolish quarrels and rivalry and unite as a whole force. Because when life outside is uncertain and we face such unnerving forces something that can bring us protection is our friendship and our love,” Dumbledore said as he smiled warmly at the hushed hall, “now off to bed with you all”. There was a scurry of benches and students filtering out. Remus let Dumbledore’s words settle in him. Lily and James headed off to head boy and girl duties and Sirius laced their hands together as they walked to their common room.

 

“There was more to what he was saying” Sirius said quietly.

 

“What do you mean?” Peter asked, eyeing Sirius.

 

“He was talking about unity, you’ve read the papers people are debating everything going on. He’s talking about us all uniting against the darkness that’s coming” Sirius went on, his words heavy.

 

“Like there’s a war or something ahead” Remus almost whispered, Sirius nodded glumly. Peter looked almost terrified.

 

“Boys!” they heard McGonagall call just as they reached the portrait.

 

“We didn’t do it, we promise this time” Sirius said and she almost smiled at him.

 

“You’re not in trouble, Dumbledore wants to see you in his office. The password is _humbugs._  Potter will meet you there” she said and turned on her heel without further explanation.

 

“It’s the first day back why are we going to see Dumbledore already?” Sirius asked, Remus was just as confused as him. They reached the statue and uttered the password, the statue leaping to reveal the stone staircase Remus had only been up once. James was waiting with a cautious frown on his face and Dumbledore greeted them with a small smile.

 

“Good evening boys, now I must reiterate you are not in trouble. There’s more pressing matters in hand” Dumbledore said and with a wave of his wand four chairs appeared for them all to take.

 

“Now, you are all smart young students. You will have heard of the great troubles plaguing our world at the moment,” Dumbledore took a deep breath and eyed them all in turn, “whomever tries to sugar coat the sadistic happenings is wrong and a fight is coming. Now you’re probably wondering why I’m saying this to you individually rather than in the Great Hall”. The four of them nodded in unison, this seemed to amuse Dumbledore slightly but his expression grew serious as he started to talk again.

 

“Now, what I’m saying should not affect your education or your work ethic. You are all incredibly smart, four very gifted young boys. You all have the determination and dedication I need. Previous students have joined me, in an organisation called the Order of the Phoenix. I have taken gifted students and they have come with me as a private army of some sorts to help fight the dark magic spreading, are you with me?” Dumbledore asked and the four of them nodded, Remus snuck a small glance to his left where Sirius looked confused.

 

“I want you four to keep at your studies, your Defence Against the Dark Arts grades are incredible. Get your NEWT’s but consider my offer of fighting with me once your year is up. Nothing will happen whilst you are still students but I want you to dwell upon this as you go through what is potentially your last year here” Dumbledore finished, staring at each of the boys. Remus let all this new information settle in him, he wanted them to fight alongside him. Not as Aurors but as a private functioning army of some sorts. Remus knew this was right up Sirius and James’ street, he just knew without the protection of the ministry this was going to be dangerous.

 

“Please don’t repeat this to anyone yet boys, I must urge this is a private matter and those who I consider will be spoken to in turn. Return to your dormitory now, if you see anyone do tell them you were with me” Dumbledore said and the boys all rose and muttered goodbyes as they left his office.

 

“Well shit” James said quietly as they walked slowly towards their common room.

 

“He wants us to fight with him” Sirius seemed to be letting it all sink in. Remus didn’t say anything, it was a difficult situation to ponder and he worried for the safety of his friends. Working hand in hand to fight dark magic with one of the greatest wizards of all time wasn’t going to be an easy fate.

 

“You okay?” Sirius whispered as they got into bed, Remus nodded but Sirius snuggled up to him with a questioning look.

 

“It’s just a lot to take in, fuck its dangerous Pads. I just didn’t expect this” Remus sighed.

 

“If we can make a difference then I think it’s a good opportunity, fighting for the greater good and all that crap” Sirius said, attempting to add an air of humour to his voice but Remus knew it was strained. The reality of what was going on outside of the safety of Hogwarts’ walls was now really dawning on Remus and he didn’t like it. He didn’t sleep easy that night, but nor did Sirius. He kept getting up for a cigarette and watching Remus with tired eyes. This was all too much for four seventeen year old boys.

 

“Did Dumbledore talk to you yesterday?” Lily whispered as they sat down for breakfast. They must have looked guilty as she proceeded quickly.

 

“It’s okay, he spoke to me, Marlene and Dorcas this morning. It’s all a bit overwhelming if you ask me, I just want to pass my NEWT’s” Lily said, passing the four of them timetables. Remus had Charms with them all next, Dumbledore’s conversation playing heavily on his mind. He had even spoken to the girls, this worried Remus even more. What kind of battle would they be fighting if they needed this many people? Would Remus even be any help with his lycanthropy? Dumbledore deemed him useful enough to talk to but Remus started to question his own ability.

     Dumbledore’s conversation seemed to play on all the groups minds the next few weeks; they spoke about it whenever they were given the opportunity. Remus just focused on the piling amounts of homework rather than entertaining the others with that conversation. His relationship with Sirius was relatively the same, except they got a lot more free time now James and Lily were Head Boy and Girl and Peter was always off with Florrie – or whatever he seemed to do. He, like Remus, had chosen not to speak about the conversation with Dumbledore but also remained very secretive to the others. Remus decided it was time to intervene.

 

“Pete, come here” Remus said, gesturing for Peter to follow him to a corner of the common room. James had duty and Sirius was in detention again, so this was Remus’ perfect opportunity.

 

“Are you okay? We’ve seen nothing of you recently, even less since Dumbledore’s talk” Remus questioned him and he watched Peter take in a long breath and meet Remus’ eyes.

 

“I was only there because of you three, you’re all smart and good at magic and I’m just you’re tag along” Peter admitted, looking at his twiddling hands.

 

“Listen,” Remus rested his hand upon Peter’s to stop him picking at the skin around his nails – a nervous habit of his – and continued, “Dumbledore wouldn’t have you there if he didn’t think you deserved it. Who came up with the idea of becoming illegal Animagi for me? Who passed their OWL’s without our help? You are good wizard Peter, you have to stop doubting yourself so much”. Peter’s head lifted, soft eyes meeting Remus’ across the table. He smiled a small smile that Remus took as a thank you.

 

“Now, let’s get Slughorn’s essay done” Remus said with a smile, leaving to get their notes and quill’s.

 

As a silent promise to Dumbledore, the four of them kept at their studies – especially Defence Against the Dark Arts for James and Sirius – despite the overwhelming pressure of NEWT’s. Every teacher put an emphasis on how important this year was to them and their homework amount shot up much like in their fifth year.

 

“Remus this is the third time this week you have avoided me for homework, I’m getting desperate here” Sirius whined, James rolled his eyes over the table.

 

“Patience Sirius, this is more important” Remus joked and Sirius mocked a large display of being insulted.

 

“How dare you say that an Arithmency essay is more important than your beautiful loving boyfriend?!”

 

“Beautiful?” Marlene said, humour in her voice.

 

“Shut it McKinnon” Sirius said, launching a crumpled piece of parchment at her, she batted it away and it ended up hitting James with such force it knocked his glasses off.

 

“You really are an annoyance Sirius” James said, replacing his glasses. Sirius responded with his tongue out like a naughty puppy.

 

“Come on, let’s go for a walk Pads” Remus said, rolling up his parchment and sorting his quill out. Sirius practically jumped up, making Peter squeal. Remus chuckled before following Sirius out of the common room. They were only halfway down the corridor before Sirius grabbed his tie and pulled him into a deserted classroom.

 

“We- don’t have the- map” Remus mumbled between kisses, Sirius was grinning into them.

 

“I don’t care right now” Sirius said, making quick work of Remus shirt, dark hands ghosted over milky skin. Sirius took extra care of Remus’ scars, new and old. Each of them he traced with his fingers, grey eyes alight with passionate fire.

 

“God I love you” Sirius whispered, taking Remus mouth again. He deepened the kiss, tongue exploring and Remus’ moaned lightly into the kiss. Sirius slipped to the floor, planting kisses down Remus’ tummy. Remus’ head leant on the wall behind him, his belt unbuckled and he felt weak as Sirius took him in his mouth. He daren’t look down, blood rushed everywhere and his moans filled the quiet classroom. His hands wrapped in the soft mass of hair below him. Sirius’ name left his mouth in occasions but his speech became incoherent as he reached his high. One last call of Sirius’ name and he slumped slightly, attempting to support his weight.

 

“Remus John Lupin” Sirius said as he stood up after sorting Remus’ trousers.

 

“You want me to-“

 

“That was enough” Sirius grinned, placing a kiss on the corner of Remus’ mouth. They walked hand in hand back to the common room, both of them very much more relaxed.

 

“Oh Merlin, your hair is an absolute state Pads” Peter said, James went into a fit of giggles. Everyone else seemed to join him, Sirius sitting down smugly and Remus could feel the blush creeping up his neck. Remus pulled his notes forward as Sirius rested his head lightly on Remus’ his shoulder.

“You tired me out Moons” Sirius whispered as the others got back into their work and previous conversations.

 

“I didn’t even get to repay the- favour” Remus said and Sirius laughed softly in his ear.

 

“Looking up at you, your head thrown back and those plump lips calling my name. That was enough for me Mr Lupin” Sirius whispered, drawing out his explanation in dulcet tones. Remus could feel himself blushing again so he turned his head to kiss Sirius quickly and make him shut up. Lily made fake retching noises and Sirius flipped her off. The pair got themselves involved in the conversation and Remus reached into his bag for his camera and snapped a picture of the group. He had vowed to himself to get as many pictures as possible of his friends in this year, he was building quite the collection already.

    Remus arrived slightly late for breakfast, the full moon was a few days away so he was growing tired again. When he arrived he kissed Sirius just before he sat down.

 

“Faggots” someone behind them said and Sirius was up before Remus could tell him to leave it.

 

“Muggleborn are we? See now, I have a zero tolerance of homophobic arseholes like you. Now you apologise to my _boyfriend_ or I will punch you so hard in the face your fucking nose disappears” Sirius seethed, his eyes filled with wild anger.

 

“I’m not apologising to a queer” the boy said and before the last word properly left his mouth Sirius fist collided with it.

 

“Sirius, get off him” Remus said, pulling on Sirius with all the force he had. The boy had attempted to fight back but Sirius was too quick.

 

“What is going on here?!” McGonagall and Flitwick said at the same time. Sirius was still wriggling in Remus’ grip and the Ravenclaw boy was shuffling up to a sitting position. James had jumped over the table and now whispered furious words to Sirius.

 

“He was being homophobic Professor” Sirius spat out.

 

“Twenty points from Gryffindor for initiating a fist fight in the breakfast hall and detention with me tonight. I believe twenty points from Ravenclaw for the use of homophobic language will suffice with you Professor?” McGonagall asked and Flitwick nodded curtly, shaking his head at the Ravenclaw boy and ordering him to see Madame Pomfrey. Sirius had calmed down now but anger still seeped out of him.

 

“A fist fight Sirius?” James said as they ditched breakfast to find somewhere to smoke.

 

“The shit deserved it” Sirius said, leaning against a tree with his cigarette hanging haphazardly from his mouth. Remus plucked it and took a long drag before replacing it and examining Sirius’ knuckles.

 

“Nothing looks broken, I think you should have gone to see Pomfrey just in case” Remus said and Sirius shrugged.

 

“How do you know they’re not broken?” Peter asked and Remus chuckled.

 

“I’ve seen enough broken bones in my lifetime to know what it looks like Pete” Remus said and Peter swore quietly under his breath.

      Remus woke up a few nights later to an empty bed, sitting up he saw Sirius huddled on the windowsill. Remus pulled his blanket and draped it over his boyfriend as he joined him, they sat in silence at first as they passed a cigarette between them.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Remus asked, Sirius turned to look at his boyfriend with careful eyes.

 

“What happens after this Moony?” Sirius asked quietly, his voice sounded sad.

 

“We fight; we try our best to live. War isn’t ever a good time but we attempt to make lives for ourselves. We knew that Hogwarts wasn’t always going to be here for us” Remus said, his own sadness melting into his tone. Hogwarts was his home, the place he found happiness, friendships and love. It was going to be difficult to leave it behind but they knew that was inevitable.

 

“I spent years running, running from my parents, my family, myself even. Eleven years I was stuck in that house with parents who never loved me like they loved Reg and they showed it. They didn’t care what it did to me; they made their embarrassment of me apparent to everyone. I came here at eleven and found three people who were the first to truly like me for who I was, I fell in love with you in our fourth year. But I doubted myself because of them, so I pretended to be something I wasn’t. I’m tired off running away. I just want to live Remus, I don’t want to run anymore” Sirius said, letting a few tears slip down his cheek. Remus pulled him close, wiping his tears away and kissing his cheeks.

 

“You won’t be running, you’ll have us. You’ll be paving a future for people. It’s scary and Merlin, has this war not been on my mind since we returned. It’s dangerous and uncertain but fighting is what we need to do to make a change. You won’t be running away from anything, you’ll be making a difference like you always said you wanted” Remus said quietly, mostly talking into his boyfriend’s hair but he knew Sirius heard every word. Remus held him whilst Sirius cried silently into his jumper. Sirius finally looked up after a while, watery eyes meeting Remus’.

 

“I love you dearly, I hope you always know that Moony” Sirius said, kissing his boyfriend lightly and letting his head fall back onto Remus’ chest. Remus wasn’t sure what time they actually returned to bed but the sky was starting to lighten and the sun peaked over the hills, almost taunting them for being awake at that time. But Remus would sit with Sirius for hours on end, just watching him and listening to everything he’s got to say. Remus loved him more than words could do justice.

        November rolled by quickly, Sirius turning eighteen and James organising a huge common room party for him. This also included many people from other houses; even the very small minority of Slytherin’s that weren’t complete arseholes joined them. Towards the end of the month, Remus’ family owl swooped down and dropped a letter in front of his plate. Opening the letter, words left his body and he stood up abruptly. He practically flew out of the hall without a word to his friends and went to the only place he knew; the Astronomy Tower. Thankfully it was out of use and Remus curled up in the large windowsill, the letter shaking in his unsteady hands.

 

“Moony?” Sirius asked tentatively, taking care to be quiet as he sat down next to him.

 

“Dad’s sick, I can’t lose him as well Sirius. It’s been three months since Mum” Remus said and then he felt himself crying. Hands reached out to stroke over his tearful cheeks as Sirius whispered soothing words.

 

“It’s okay Moons, you have us and you always will” Sirius said quietly and Remus smiled weakly. Losing both of his parents in such a short period of time was really putting into perspective how dark the world was turning, if he lost anyone else – especially the people who he loved so dearly and spent almost every waking day with – Remus wasn’t sure how he’d cope.

      Lyall passed away as December started, his teachers allowed him to return home for the funeral which Sirius, James, Peter and Lily attended with him. He spoke shakily to his Dad’s work friends, his extended family and those who knew Lyall. His best friends stuck to his side like glue and when Lyall was eventually buried next to Hope he conjured a large set of white lilies to cover both their graves. Remus hid his grief well, only allowing Sirius’ to see him cry on a few unexpected occasions. James begged him to come how with them for the Christmas holidays, and as the full moon was two nights before they left anyway, Remus agreed. Spending Christmas at the Potter’s was joyful and Euphemia, despite getting older, was still as jovial and energy filled as ever. He woke up Christmas morning to find a pile of presents that equalled Sirius and James’ and smiled warmly to himself, the Potter’s knew Remus had no one anymore and they went through so much effort to make him feel like one of the family. They had practically adopted Sirius a few years prior, pulling him away from the toxic household and seemingly accepting a second son without any complaints. Remus could tell they had craved more children anyway, but James had told him that he was a miracle and it was nearly impossible for his parents to have another, so having James’ friends around was warming to them.

      They returned to Platform nine and ¾’s after being dropped off, they couldn’t see Peter in their usual carriage and James finally voiced his concerns.

 

“Have you noticed how Pete is rarely ever around anymore?” James asked and Sirius turned his attention to his wild-haired best friend.

 

“It’s puzzling, I mean he never spent this much time with Florrie before and they’d been together a while now” Sirius added and they both looked towards Remus.

 

“He spoke to me a couple of months back, said Dumbledore only picked him because he was friends with us, not because he was a good wizard. I told him that was wrong and that Peter deserved to be there just as much as we did but I’m not sure if he really took it in” Remus said and James let out a long sigh.

 

“He told me last year that he always felt beneath us, I told him not to be stupid and that he was a valuable and loved member of the Marauders. I meant it, Pete’s always got such big ideas I don’t know why he feels like this” James admitted, resting his head on his hand.

 

“His OWL results were good and he did that himself, I’m not sure why he doubts himself” Sirius finally said and they went quiet for a while. James mentioned something about finding Lily for duty and slipped into his robes before leaving them. Remus moved next to Sirius, resting his head on his boyfriends shoulder.

 

“It’s all going to be okay, isn’t it?” Remus asked, lacing their hands together.

 

“Merlin Remus, I hope it is” Sirius said, vagueness in his voice that unnerved Remus.

        The boys immersed themselves into their studies again, homework piling on top of them and with James and Sirius’ Quidditch practices they rarely had time to do anything together. Sirius would give him swift kisses before running off to practice and when he returned Remus would already be nose deep in a book for his essays. Potions was becoming the hardest, due to Remus not being very gifted at it, but Remus was determined to at least get a pass in it so he put a ton of effort into everything. Having Lily, a Potions protégé, as a best friend helped him incredibly. The others turned a lot of their attention of Defence Against the Dark Arts and Remus knew this followed Dumbledore’s talk to them, but Remus wanted to leave Hogwarts with a range of studies rather than focusing on one particular subject.

 

“Lupin, Dumbledore would like to talk to you in his office after dinner tonight” McGonagall told him as a packed his books away at the end of her lesson. Sirius frowned at him but Remus shrugged and thanked McGonagall for telling him.

 

“Why’s he speaking to you alone?” Sirius asked, Remus had no idea. Had he done something wrong?

        After dinner he made his way to the statue and uttered the password which gave him access to the cold stone staircase.

 

“Mr Lupin, do take a seat” Dumbledore said, gesturing to the cushioned chair in front of his desk.

 

“Now, I understand your friends are immersing themselves in their Defence Against the Dark Arts studies, correct?” Dumbledore asked and Remus nodded slowly.

 

“But you not so much, I have been made aware your grades are exceptional and may not need much help but I have also been told you’ve been focusing on other subjects a lot more. Tell me Mr Lupin, what would you like to do after school?” Dumbledore asked plainly, slightly taking Remus aback.

 

“I never really thought I had many options, I did love the idea of being a teacher but that would be near impossible in my- condition” Remus admitted, as though lying to the Headmaster would have been foolish anyway.

 

“You have many options Remus, you cannot allow yourself to be held back by your predicament, it has never offered you issues here” Dumbledore said and Remus nodded, the use of his first name made him feel this conversation was a lot more personal.

 

“From what I can see, and mind me being an old man so I do make some mistakes, is our conversation with your friends has you in a turmoil. Between wanting to live a normal as possible life or fighting, now I expected this from you. You’re more complex than others, sometimes I’m sure the Sorting Hat debated putting you in Ravenclaw, so situations like this take more deliberation rather than diving head first into the unknown like your friends,” Dumbledore paused to look at Remus’ flushed face. Remus had never told anyone about the hat’s small argument with itself as to which house he belonged, “but I assure you Remus, you have a choice. You can turn down my offer and I will see to it that you get all the help into becoming a teacher, Hogwarts would love you, but you can accept my offer if that’s what you see fit”. Dumbledore finished with a small smile and Remus allowed himself to relax slightly.

 

“I want to fight, I’m just so scared of losing people. But I guess that’s inevitable really, we see it all the time” Remus admitted, thinking of his parents. He also thought of the people currently getting owl’s from home saying their families had been killed, muggle borns, half-bloods and pure-bloods alike.

 

“It is Remus, but do not rush into a decision. You are an exceptionally bright young wizard, do focus on your NEWT’s and then allow yourself to decide. I won’t trouble you any longer, you must have things to do. Goodnight Remus” Dumbledore said and Remus said goodnight before leaving his office briskly. He was immediately tackled by thin air and James and Sirius threw the cloak off themselves.

 

“What did he want?” Sirius asked as they walked back up to the common room together.

 

“He asked what I wanted to do after Hogwarts,” Remus said bluntly and Sirius and James exchanged looks, “He told me to focus on my education and that our conversation with him shouldn’t be the most important thing on my mind right now”. Sirius looked at him intently but didn’t push the conversation further.

 

“Where is Peter?” Remus asked.

 

“Well we asked him to come, Pads also wanted an impromptu visit to the kitchens afterwards, but he said he was busy. No bloody idea where he is” James said, frowning after he spoke. Peter’s absence was becoming more and more noticeable. They ended up venturing to the kitchens anyway, chatting over tea and key lime pie. Remus retrieved his camera and snapped a shot of Sirius with his cheeks full of food and James laughing wildly at him.

 

“Dad did a good job with that I reckon” James said, key lime pie dangling on the end of his fork. Remus smiled down at the picture and nodded.

 

“Definitely, Moony’s got enough pictures of me to last a lifetime” Sirius smirked.

 

“When we’re old, we’ll have so many pictures to look back on” Remus told them, both of their faces softened instantly. They bid farewell to the elves around ten pm, deciding that it was time to leave them.

 

“Ever think about how the things we do this year could be the last time we do them?” James said as they clambered through the portrait hole and appeared in the almost empty common room, save for the usual seventh years. A sadness took over Sirius’ face as he pushed James lightly and told him to stop putting a damper on the mood. But Remus knew they were all thinking it. James pecked Lily on the lips as he sat next to her. Dorcas and Marlene were deep in conversation and there was still no sign of Peter.

 

“No Pete?” Lily asked and the three boys shook their heads in unison. She frowned but didn’t question.

 

“Him and Florrie have split up, I heard her talking about it in the library” Dorcas said half handily, she looked like she expected them to know this.

 

“Why wouldn’t he tell us? So where’s he been sneaking off to?” Sirius said, frustration evident in his voice.

       It wasn’t until half past eleven Peter returned to the dorm and all three boys stared at him until he squeaked and shouted at them,

 

“What are you all staring at?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us about Florrie?” James said and Peter’s face fell.

 

“You have Evans, Moony and Pads you have each other. I didn’t want you to know” Peter said quietly.

 

“So where have you been going then? Because you’re certainly no with her?” Sirius asked. Peter picked at the skin around his nails, a nervous habit he had always had.

 

“I just walk, I end up wherever. I don’t want to intrude on you” Peter said, sighing and sitting down on his bed.

 

“Pete, you’re our best friend. Six and a half years we’ve lived in this room together. You seriously expect your company to be _i_ _ntruding?_ Because that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard. Us three love you, no matter who we’re with you are still and always will be our best friend” Remus said, making sure Peter was looking at him first.

 

“What Moony said, you’re important to us Pete” James said. Sirius nodded, eyes lightening as a small smile quirked Peter’s lips.

 

“Now stop moping around and rejoin us, it isn’t the Marauders without you” Sirius said, standing up to hug Peter. Remus and James joined and soon the four of them, long legs and wild arms where squished together on Peter’s bed. They laughed until they cried, the reminisced, they planned their lives ahead, they were happy. Four happy boys whose love dug its heels in and never felt like it was going to leave and that, Remus was happy about.

      They progressed into February, the final match for Sirius and James only a few days away. Remus was again, forced to go down to every practice.

 

“Oi, if you let more bloody goals in I’m going to send a Bludger at your head myself you tit!” Sirius shouted at their Keeper, he wasn’t even too bad, but the pair of them were dedicated to beating Ravenclaw to keep their consecutive wins and go out in a blaze of glory.

 

“Sirius just focus on your own job!” Marlene shouted at him and he shouted obscenities across the sky.

 

“They’re really dedicated aren’t they?” Dorcas laughed as James flew by Sirius and smacked his arm. Sirius proceeded to chase James with his Beaters bat waving dangerously, Remus and Lily almost fell off their benches in anxiety whilst Peter and Dorcas laughed their arses off.

 

“CONCENTRATE!” shouted a fourth year Chaser, pulling Sirius and James from their escapade in embarrassment. Their practice ended fifteen minutes later, most of it looking successful to Remus. James patted the fourth year, whose last name was Jones, on the back as he retrieved the balls for the Ravenclaw team.

 

“Kids got some balls, he barely talks during practice and then screams at us. Maybe he could take over as Captain” James said thoughtfully as Sirius buried himself under Remus arm, he smelt like sweat and grass but Remus wasn’t going to push him away.

     On the morning of the game, James and Sirius were both up far too early. Remus was woken by their harsh whispers next to him.

 

“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t talk tactics at stupid o’clock in the fucking morning on a Saturday, right next to my head” Remus said grumpily, Sirius leant down and kissed him in apology.

 

“Good morning Moony” James said, moving away from the pair.

 

“Mornin’ Prongs, are you two ready?” Remus asked, Sirius shook his head and James stiffened.

 

“Not at all Moony, but fuck it! It’s our last game we gotta go out in a bang” James exclaimed, dragging his hands through his wild dark hair in exaggeration. Peter grumbled from his bed, now they’d succeeded in waking members on the dorm. Sirius pulled his hair into a bun before leaning back against Remus’ head board and brushing his fingers through the light brown curls on top of his head.

 

“You look cute in the morning” Sirius whispered, Remus’ heart did a small flutter.

 

The usual gang, minus James and Sirius, headed down to the pitch around nine; all of them donned in Gryffindor colours. Remus anticipated this game, he so desperately wanted them to win so he wouldn’t have to listen to Sirius and James mope for the rest of the year. The game started quickly, both teams eager to get into it. Remus cheered and booed with the crowds, eyes constantly searching for Sirius and his bat. He caught him smiling wildly by the goalposts, dark hair blowing in the wind and tanned skin glowing in the little sunlight. The commentator was shouting things Remus didn’t really understand, the Gryffindor crowd hissed as a Bludger narrowly missed Marlene as she sped across the sky. Dorcas’ eyes widened and she yelped, Lily cutting her a funny look. Both teams were scoring consecutive goals, keeping the game in a neck on neck position – Ravenclaw being ten points ahead until James scored again. At a complete draw and both Keepers being very vigilant, Remus knew it was all going to be down to the whoever caught the Snitch first.

 

“Look at Marlene!” Peter said, excitement filling his tone. She seemed to be in speeding in a certain direction, Sirius even stopped for a few seconds to watch her with beady eyes; that was until a Bludger came hurtling at him. He managed to bat it away seconds before it hit him, sending it back in the direction it came from. Jones scored another goal and then suddenly the entire stadium erupted. Marlene was grinning from ear to ear, golden wings fluttering in her palm. The Gryffindor stands were in chaos, particularly the seventh years as this was their last game. James was looping around, cheers chorusing loudly from him. Gryffindor flooded the pitch, Lily finding James and planting a rushed kiss on his lips.

 

“You did it!” Remus shouted excitedly as Sirius came bounding towards him.

 

“We did, again!” Sirius said and Remus kissed him lightly before turning his attention to Marlene who had been bundled by mousey hair.

 

“Marlene fucking McKinnon you are a genius!” Dorcas said, eyes sparkling in a way Remus recognised. He smiled softly to himself as Marlene grabbed her waist and pulled her in for a huge hug.

 

“Now let’s party!” James shouted, linking one hand with Lily and throwing his arm around Peter’s shoulders.

 

“You all did amazing, keep it moderate but I’m- I’m very proud of you all” McGonagall said, wiping her eyes slightly.

 

“Don’t cry Minnie, we won!” Sirius teased and she shook her head, a fond smile on her face. Gryffindor house carried their songs and celebrations all throughout the castle, cheers following the team all the way to the common room. Remus watched on proudly as his best friends relished in the enjoyment of winning their last ever game as Hogwarts students.

 

Sirius had snuck Firewhiskey in and Peter had provided from the kitchens, so by midnight everyone was jovial and tiredness disappeared with their happiness.

 

“C’mon” Sirius said, pulling on Remus’ arm and led him out of the portrait hole. He threw the clock over them and Remus followed him up to the Astronomy Tower. Tripping a few times and giggling quietly to himself, Sirius was red faced as they arrived at the top and sat down in their usual spot. Remus conjured a small fire and they sat and watched the stars glistening in the night.

 

“’M gonna miss this Moons” Sirius said, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder.

 

“So am I Pads” Remus said, kissing his boyfriends head and returning to stare at the constellations filling the navy blue sky. Hogwarts looked eerily beautiful in this light, great towers accentuated and the lake flowing silently in the moonlight. The forest loomed, trees blending into each other to form one great wall around the grounds.

 

“It really is beautiful, isn’t it?” Remus felt himself smiling, eyes growing watery as he looked out at his home. He didn’t get a reply so he turned to see Sirius watching him with a smile that exuded love and care.

 

“It’s home,” Sirius said quietly, taking Remus’ face in his chilly palms and kissing him softly, “you’re home”. Remus felt his eyes spill silently, Sirius’ glazed eyes matching his. But they were both smiling, they’d miss this place but they had each others; they always would.  

    The Gryffindor table was in bits on the Sunday morning, many groaning and forcing food in their bodies. James and Peter being two of those people. Lily laughed as James pushed away his toast and leaned on her shoulder.

 

“Maybe someone shouldn’t have drank so much and passed out on the common room floor” Sirius said, a few of them laughing at James flipping him off. They all spent Sunday napping, doing homework and talking amongst their small group. Remus got a few pictures throughout the day, some of Lily and James, a particular one of Peter napping and Sirius hovering over him teasingly. There was one of Marlene watching Dorcas plait her hair, Remus kept that one to himself. He knew how it felt to look at someone that way and try desperately to hide it, they’d figure it out. One thing the pictures had in common was they all supported grins and smiles, that was what was so important to Remus as the final months of this year started to fly by.

   Halfway through April, Dorcas arrived in the Great Hall looking solemn.

 

“Livia Barton, a Hufflepuff girl in our year, she’s just been sent home. Her dad’s been killed, she’s muggle-born as well” Dorcas said and Remus sighed, it was difficult to avoid what was now happening more and more outside of the walls as pupils were disappearing due to family losses.

 

“A muggle? God that’s-“ James stopped, Lily’s face told a story of a thousand words. Lily’s family were muggles and Remus understood how she must be feeling.

 

“Puts it all into perspective doesn’t it” Marlene sighed, her mum was a muggle. They all sat quietly for a minute, eating as Remus read over the Prophet. The Prophet seemed to be sugarcoating far too much recently, it wasn’t fair that the wizarding community was being ill-informed.

 

“Gives us more reason to fight” Lily said finally, collecting nods from the group. Even Remus felt like this gave them a reason, families like their own were being torn apart.

     Over the coming weeks, they all focused on their Defence Against the Dark Arts classes. Remus, who was sceptical before, put effort into every lesson. His grades were climbing as they approached their NEWT’s, which Peter reminded them daily were less than a month away. Lily organised scheduled revision and homework sessons where they’d sometimes do one class together, and other times just enjoy each other’s company as they tackled on with their individual classes. Today, those who did it were tackling Potions essays whilst Marlene and Dorcas finished their Ancient Runes essay. Lily had to do both, but with her expertise in Potions the essay took her quicker than anyone.

 

“James, how does your dad work with Potions daily? This is giving me a headache” Sirius whined, resting his head on the table as he disregarded his quill.

 

“The quicker you get it done, the quicker you can get onto your Muggle Studies essay” Remus said in a mock cheerful tone. His Arithmency work was already weighing him down, how he would pass all of his classes he really didn’t know.

 

“We all still have Minnie’s essay as well” Sirius exclaimed and Lily waved her wand at the timetable she had stuck up.

 

“That’s tomorrow Sirius” Lily told him in her matter of fact voice. Sirius grumbled even louder as Remus finally finished his essay and quickly proceeded onto his Arithmency one.

 

“Here” Marlene said, with a wave of her wand seven cups of steaming tea filled up in front of them and Sirius seemed to cheer up slightly. Remus ate his chocolate, his full moon was two days away and he had started to feel peaky but was determined to finish these essays.

(para) Their group of seven worked tremendously hard towards their first NEWT but even as they lined up in front of the Great Hall for Transfiguration each of them were nervous and overwhelmed.

 

“What if-“

 

“No more what if’s Dorcas you are going to send me into a meltdown” Peter cut her off, his small hands shaking as he dragged them through his hair. James wasn’t speaking, just muttering small facts under his breath as Sirius pretended to be completely chill but Remus could see him listening to everything James was whispering.

 

“In you come” McGonagall said and Peter squeaked quietly as Lily went as white as sheet. Their NEWT’s had begun.

 

Then, as quickly as they had arrived, they were walking out of their written Defence Against the Dark Arts exam and they had finally finished them. The stress, the emotional turmoil, the hard work and effort all done and Remus felt like a weight had lifted. Of course, they’d still have to wait for their results – which took two weeks – and then they’d be on their very last train home.

 

“Well bloody hell I’m starving, I don’t think I’ve ever been more stressed in my teenage life” Sirius said as all the seventh years headed for the grounds. They’d have casual classes and extra-curricular activities still went on until the end of the year, but it felt like the end of their journey was far too soon.

 

“It’s all over” Lily said as they sat down, her red head up in a messy bun and her face looking incredibly less stressed already.

 

“All done Lils, now eat” Marlene told her and Lily complied, everyone seemed generally more relaxed.

 

“Can you believe seven years of hardwork is finished? Seven whole bloody years” James said, taking a bite out of an apple.

 

“Stop talking with your mouth full” Lily told him and Sirius snorted.

 

“You’re quiet Moons?” Sirius said and Remus smiled at him.

 

“Just weird to think we’re all done, we’re adults now” Remus said and this earned a low laugh from Marlene.

 

“I can see two people in this group that I don’t think will ever be adults” she said and Sirius and James both rolled their eyes at her. Peter and Dorcas appeared, both of them having finished their practical Herbology exam.

 

“How was it?” Lily and Remus asked in unison and the pair nodded confidently. They laughed and chatted amongst themselves for the rest of the day, the June weather too good to waste. Remus got a couple of photos, one where Sirius had decided to tie his shirt into a crop top and prance around with the others laughing at him. One where James had his head in Lily’s lap and she was playing with his hair mindlessly. And another were Dorcas painted Marlene’s nails a sunflower yellow. Remus was about to put his camera away when Lily cleared her throat.

 

“Give that here, I want to take one of your four” Lily said, gesturing to the Marauders. Remus reluctantly handed over the camera and the others all squished in next to him. Sirius made Peter giggle which made the other two laugh and Lily caught the shot at the right time. She charmed the photo to move, as she had done with a few others before. She passed Remus back the camera and the photo. He could see four laughing boys all gazing up at him, sparkling eyes and carefree smiles that showed youth and happiness.

 

“It’s a nice one isn’t it?” Lily said, her smile wide.

 

“I look great” Sirius joked.

 

“I look better” James replied and both Remus and Peter rolled their eyes.

 

“I think you all look great” Dorcas said and the Marauders all thanked her. It was finally dinner and their group headed indoors, stomachs rumbling and spirits high.

   Their results came two weeks later, Remus getting Outstanding in Charms, Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Arithmency. He got Exceeds Expectations in Potions and History of Magic which he was very happy with. The others passed their exams, Peter managed to scrape an Acceptable in Potions to which he was very surprised.

 

“Fucking hell Lils, O’s in everything” Dorcas said and Lily blushed profusely.

 

“Well done Miss Evans, you did exceptionally well,” McGonagall said with pride in her voice, “all of you did. I’m proud of all of your grades”.

 

“Its party time!” Sirius whooped once out of earshot from the teachers, James jumping on his back as they galloped through the halls. Tonight was going to be a long night.

     By midnight, most of the Marauders were quite tipsy. Remus, having a werewolf metabolism, couldn’t relate but still enjoyed the entire night this time.

 “Let’s go to the Tower” James said and the Marauders were able to sneak out once James kissed Lily and they headed up to their favourite spot with a bottle of Firewhiskey. It was passed between them as they sat looking out at the grounds. Remus had his hand entwined in Sirius’ as Sirius smoked and kept giving it to Remus. They sat quietly for a bit, until James spoke up.

 

“I want to thank you three, for making these seven years the best they could have ever been. I mean we’ve our ups and downs but look at us, I’ve never seen a friendship as strong as ours. You’ve made me happy and enjoy this place, so thank you” James said, his voice light but Remus could hear the emotion in it.

 

“It’ll always be our home this place” Peter almost whispered, causing a small tear to slip down Remus cheek.

 

“I’m glad I got to share my home with you three, I love you all,” Sirius said, “now we go into the real world and its daunting and scary but we have each other. We always will have each other, that’s what is so special about us”. Remus thought hard, letting their words sink in, his three best friends who had risked everything for him, who had made him feel welcomed in a world where people like him were usually made ashamed.

 

 “I love you three a lot, thank you for everything you’ve done. Here’s to another seven years, and then seventy after that” Remus said, lifting the bottle and the other three cheered. The four Marauders sat quietly, watching as the summer air played with the trees of the forest that hosted their nightly escapades. The Whomping Willow that rested in the night, a place where Remus had sought refuge alone but then found three friends to rely on. The looming towers that had been a home for so many years. This castle in the hills had been a place where they had found love and broken their hearts, where they had made friends and enemies and shared so many sleepless nights with each other. The castle that allowed them to form a bond so strong, even a war couldn’t tear them apart.


	2. Epilogue

The night was cool as Remus removed the hood from his head, no breeze tickled his aching sense. His hands shook tremendously as he removed the lid from the tattered shoebox he had been carrying. His hands sifted through small photographs as a bitter smile rearranged his face. He was older now, more worn out than ever before and his entire body complained at the effort to not let his emotions crack. The first photograph was of a young family, red hair and dark skin filled the moving card as they smiled and waved back at him.

 

_For Uncle Moony._

 

He placed the photograph back, going for a second. This one contained a carriage and six individuals, all of which donned smiles that showed their youth.

 

_The last train to Hogwarts._

 

His own writing looping underneath the photograph as he looked as those six individuals and felt their loss so harshly his own breath was knocked out of him. He remembered the scene clearly, exploding snaps and talks of exams and their last year together. If only they knew then that those years would be so precious. He took another, this time a younger red head stroked the hair of smiling spectacled young boy.

 

_Young love._

 

Remus smiled as tears streaked his scar torn cheeks silently. He watched as the girl attempted to cover her face but the boys hand moved it away softly as he spoke to her. He retrieved another, this one was of a Quidditch field and two boys happily zooming past. Remus ran a finger across the dark hair billowing in the wind, grey eyes only just made out in that split second.

 

_Dragged to Quidditch practice (again)._

 

He placed that one back carefully, moving the pictures to take out another. Three girls with their wands tucked behind their ears, surrounded by parchment and books.

 

_A girly revision night._

 

He smiled at the joke, taking two more photographs out. Remus’ eighteen year old face laughed up at his, squished in between three others. His best friends all grinned at him, no worry or sadness in their eyes. Just youthful joy that exuded from the small photograph.

 

_Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail; The Marauders._

 

The tears cascaded heavily down his face down, Remus attempted to wipe them away with a sleeve but more soon the replaced them. He dropped the photograph in the box and the final one stared up at him. Grey eyes smiling sleepily with a mass of messy hair, sharp teeth glistening in the apparent sunshine of the picture. Remus remembered the morning where he woke next to the love of his life, whispering morning and planting a soft kiss before taking his favourite picture.

 

_Good Morning, Love._

 

Remus heard it in Sirius’ own voice, the slow deep tones that usually occupied his morning voice. He remembered how Sirius tasted like cigarettes and a vague taste of toothpaste from the night before. He dropped the photograph in the box and retrieved the lid to place carefully over his happiest memories. Looking up, he was greeted by three gravestones, one smaller than the other.

 

_James and Lily Potter – Died October 1981._

_Sirius Black – Died June 1996._

 

There three of his best friends lay, others from the photographs scattered across the country. Sirius never had a body to bury, but Remus knew that next to his brother and one of his best friends was where he belonged. It was where he would’ve wanted to rest. Remus let out a low and resentful laugh, he was the last of them. Six bright individuals who filled his life with such joy were gone and all that was left were photographs and memories. He conjured white lilies to adorn the graves and slowly stood up from his kneeling position. The weight of his loss felt significant on tired shoulders, the loss of his best friends, the love of his life. Remus eventually wiped away the tears that stopped falling. He whispered a small goodbye before taking his box of precious memories and leaving three of the most important people behind. Three people whom he was sure he would’ve grown old with, watched them blossom into adults rather than die so soon and so cruelly. Losing their  lives to wars that they never could comprehend. Lily and James, who never got to be the parents that they so deserved to be. Sirius, who spent more time holed up in Azkaban than he did with James in total, for a crime he didn’t commit. Remus heart lay heavy in his chest as he left the graveyard where his best friends lay and attempted to rejoin a world where almost everyone he loved was gone and he knew he didn’t belong without them.

**Author's Note:**

> wow its done!! ive been working on this fic for around two months and its finally finished and posted. its rough and most of it is me crying over wolfstar but its my first lengthy fic for them so i hope you enjoyed reading! kudos' and comments are much appreciated, thank you!  
> my twitter is @siriusdaryl   
> my tumblr is https://odetothe-marauders.tumblr.com/


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